I’m taking all these years as a teacher/professional speaker/interpersonal communications guru/dating and relationships writer/dating advice giver, and mashing them up into a new service called Social Savvy Sage.
On the surface, I’m putting myself up as a dating coach. Woot woot. Okay, yeah.
But … unlike so many other dating coaches out there …
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Words in black and white offer a window into the soul. After reviewing many Zoosk “Smark Picks” and receiving messages, winks, and gifts, I feel I have some insight on how to help my fellow man better represent himself in his profiles.
Maybe it is the writer/editor in me. Maybe it is because I have been turned off by what possibly could have been a good match after reading a bad profile. Either way, a few profiles and handles have stuck out.
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When I began dating, the universe neglected to provide me with step-by-step instructions — only a vague sort of stage directions. He is here, you are there, hold hands, kiss, cut, thank you everyone, now we are done. The film director might have gone home, but I was still there, baffled.
So what happens next? After the kissing and the sex? How do I handle it? More specifically, how do I handle Matt?
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When I was small, I loved chess. It was like foretelling the future. By lining up the pieces a certain way, I could get my opponent (usually someone equally inept) to move the way I wanted.
Once I discovered men, chess palled (well, except strip chess). Men were mysterious. Men could call or not call. They could say they were in love with you or not even remember your name. The unpredictability of their erratic behaviour bugged me.
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Rapport… chemistry… butterflies… whatever you want to call it, it’s easier to manufacture than most people realize. In fact, I’d argue that it’s actually easiest to create rapport on a first date, when you have essentially your entire unabridged tome of personal information to draw from, with no fear of accidentally telling the same story twice.
No, to me, real rapport is when you’ve been with someone for a year-and-a-half, and you still look forward to talking to them every night, and you still find exciting things to talk about (and it’s only once every few weeks that you accidentally tell the same story again). That’s chemistry.
And that’s why I believe that if you meet someone who charms your pants off – perhaps literally – on a first date, you should exercise caution.
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I watched the well-dressed Casanova over the brim of my beverage, contemplating the best way to cause him pain. I was already halfway through my ninja-assassin routine, in which I dispatch him with a swift blow to the balls. Naturally, the women he was entertaining with his ridiculously good looks would then swoon at my wondrous technique …. A rude voice
Read more“Persistence overcomes resistance.” Maybe you’ve heard that before when it comes to winning someone over. Maybe she’s hesitant at first, but if you dole out the charm and keep flirting, she might change her mind. If you persist–and aren’t creepy about it–she won’t be able to resist. Well, what happens when that resistance isn’t coming from her, but from an
Read moreWhen I was in fifth grade, I had a wicked crush on Pierce Leves. Pierce was “it” for me. And Rebekah Rabinowitz knew it. She also knew that I was too shy to do anything but love him from afar (oh no, I was not the fleurt I am today). Deciding to play matchmaker, Rebekah bandied back and forth between
Read moreEvery now and then, I’ll take a girl home who might not be my #1 pick of the night, but maybe she’s really enthusiastic or just knows how to play the game. Inevitably, we’ll have the “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” conversation, and things will go smoothly for at least a few weeks (and by “smoothly,” I
Read moreMy husband and I have a German friend, Gunther—late 30s, good-looking, smart, funny, and a genuinely nice guy. Of course, he’s single. A few weeks ago, we were hanging out together, pondering his romance woes over a few glasses of wine. But it wasn’t the preposterous fact that he was still unattached that lingered in my mind. It was an
Read moreFrom the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew I had to have him. I figured he had to have a girlfriend. But he asked me out, and I didn’t even think about my boyfriend back home, 700 miles away. The reasons I cheated were many. Distance, lack of sexual satisfaction, pre-existing lack of trust, excitement, a fear of
Read moreFor nine months during my first year of university, I was in a casual relationship with two different women. Right. This is where most people expect macho bragging, but I’m actually not going to do that. It was great… for awhile. But ultimately, I broke it off because I couldn’t deal with being used for sex. As a guy, I
Read moreDo you know why there are so many douchebags in the world? It’s because women keep sleeping with them. Seriously, if you give your dog a treat every time he takes a dump on the rug, expect to live in a very stinky house. Sleeping with someone you know is scum reinforces bad behavior in much the same way. There
Read moreLadies, meet Scott. That’s him in the middle in the photo. Yes, the one with the mane of hair and the pager clipped to his jeans. Scott and I were fraternity brothers at UCLA, and for as long as I’ve known him, he has epitomized the term “chick magnet.” Within the fraternity, there was a standing air of mystification over
Read moreIt’s never my intention to go out to a bar hoping to get laid. I never think, Tonight, I will be balls deep. I just know it! I try to let these things happen with no expectations. Sometimes, though, there are complications…. I was out with some friends one night. Buzzing after six or so happy hour drinks, I started
Read moreOnce upon a time, I walked into a bar on the Upper West Side to meet one of my J-day-tay dates (or what you might know as JDate). I was looking forward to meeting this very tall, very handsome stranger. He was from Kentucky, and Jewish. Over the phone, he had a southern twang of some kind. Or so I
Read moreLadies, have you ever complained about the insensitive boyfriend who couldn’t pick up on the fact that you were having a bad day, even though you told him you were fine? Gentlemen, have you ever been called a conceited ass for thinking a girl was going to sleep with you, when she came over with only platonic intentions in mind?
Read moreAfter discovering I could get women to chase me, I’ve collected some priceless stories. But is that really how I want to talk about my future girlfriend or wife? With stories of how I got her to jump through all of my hoops? Of course not. The kind of woman I want to spend the rest of my life with won’t
Read moreThis year, Valentine’s Day came and went with nary a card, a box of chocolates, or even the usual fighting between my preschool students for the honor of calling me their “girlfriend.” Can you blame me for being depressed? I began serial dating in August. And by “serial dating,” I mean that I challenged myself to go out with 30
Read moreWhile doing some light shopping at Cabela’s the other night, I met a girl. She worked there. She was cute. She was witty. She was a red-head. Her name was Cassie. I remember walking towards the register with a few items in hand and thinking, “Wow. She’s really cute. Perhaps I should ask her out.” As she began to ring up the
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