In the foggy haze of a slightly hungover morning, I heard an earthy voice echo softly in my ear, “time to get up, Danny Boy.” I buried my face into the strange, pink-fringed pillow I’d slept on while slowly realizing my own nakedness. I opened one eye to see an oddly darkened purple room that wasn’t mine. I realized pretty
Read moreThere’s a perception floating around that men are more promiscuous than women and, hence, have more sexual partners during their lifetimes. Well, I call bullshit. And I’m bringing my army of math to back me up. In a survey taken by ABC News, men reported a lifetime average of 20 partners, while women reported a measly 6 partners. That is,
Read moreI was back home on my first summer break in college when I met Amy. I was 18 years old, rushing around the mall trying to find a gift for my newborn cousin. Amy was a kind-hearted brunette, willing to help a flustered (and charming) stranger find a gift for a five-day-old baby girl. I insisted that she give me
Read moreI have no problem with the Friend Zone. The Friend Box. Friendship Island. The Vortex of Platonic Optimism…. Whatever you want to call it, I think opposite-sex friends are splendid. They can be an arsenal of insight when we need help understanding, well, the opposite sex. What’s not so splendid is the opposite-sex friend who desperately wants to be more
Read moreI admit it. I have a lot of boxes. A box for friends, and a box for enemies. A box for frenemies, one for family, another for lovers. I even have a box for barely tolerable coworkers. I put the people I trust into one box, and the people I’d like to throw out the window into another box. And
Read moreI’ve come to expect all sorts of reactions when I tell people that I’m dating someone eighteen years older than me. The blood-curdling screams have been (thankfully) few in number, though I usually expect jaws to drop and eyebrows to shoot up into hairlines. There are also those whose expressions remain suspiciously blank. When their trained smile spreads across their
Read moreHaving a man in my life means a quite a few things: 1. I have someone I’m crazy about and am not afraid to let my freak flag fly. 2. I have someone who finds all the weird things around my apartment that need fixing. 3. I have someone who knows how to fix all those weird things around my
Read moreWhen I was younger and very much enamored of Belle Époque Paris, I thought it might be cool to be somebody’s mistress, albeit in an abstract, Moulin Rouge “Hi, I’m Toulouse Lautrec and I’d like you to meet my girlfriend” sort of way. But there are several things wrong with this picture.
Read moreI believe I am completely within my right to be somewhat picky when choosing a mate… as long as I’m willing to accept that, by acting that way, it will take time and effort to find someone I really want to be with. In essence, and rather ironically, I am allowed to make myself completely miserable in pursuit of true happiness. So, if we’re not absolutely dying to find someone to bump uglies with share a deep emotional connection with, we can send stuff back to the kitchen for not being hot enough. We just can’t bitch about having to wait around to get a hot piece of meat, because we did it to ourselves.
Read moreWhether or not I really am made up of a gooey white cream center and can now be found in heart-wrenching deep-fried form at the county fair, the truth is that I rarely meet Asian women who are interested in me. For years now, I’ve wondered if all is not harmonious in the land of Rice Rocketry. For years now, I’ve suspected that a disproportionate number of Asian women here in San Diego only want to date non-Asian men.
Read moreTo some, online dating is a shamefully self-destructive activity: Men and women, dissatisfied with traditional methods of finding a mate, feed their dating hunger by sifting through the week-old garbage that are online dating sites, stuffing their faces with the refuse of the masses until they overindulge and sit in the shower, rocking back and forth, wailing, “why did I
Read moreThe running joke amongst my friends is that people who are married (or hell, even people in a committed monogamous relationship) absolutely hate their single male friends. I know this is true because they are always trying to set me up on dates with their co-worker, or college friend, or sister’s ex-roommate’s cousin, in the hopes that I will find
Read moreOne of my pet peeves is the single person who hates being partnerless. Hollywood loves to play up the stereotype of the woman who is desperate for anyone to love her. Sadly, a lot of my friends fit right into this cliché. They hate going to special occasions without a date on their arm. Or they complain about being the
Read moreI know the popular saying contradicts what I’m calling this piece. I’m here to argue otherwise. Ladies, admit it. There’s something about the bad boy that’s a complete turn on. He brings danger, a sense of adventure, and total drama into your life. Rarely a day goes by where you’ll actually be thinking to yourself, “wow, this day was boring.”
Read moreNow that I’m single again, I’m trying to retrain myself to do the dating dance. I went on a first date recently, and the evening was pretty much a conversational ballet, the two of us daintily tiptoeing around each other with loaded questions and politically correct answers in an effort to figure out if we might actually like the other person. That night, I stumbled upon a Mega-Dealbreaker. One that superseded all the lesser, mere mortal dealbreakers. Within the rabid pack of dealbreakers frothing in my head, this one quickly established itself as the Alpha:
Read moreI hate breaking up with someone. I really do. Call me spineless, tell me to grow a pair, I get it. I just have this need to be the “good guy” (or at least deceive myself that I am). I feel better when I’m the poor sap who gets broken up with, rather than the a-hole who dumps an awesome
Read moreA friend and I were recently discussing her breakup when she said something I’d been thinking for at least a year now. “I feel kind of like a bad person,” she started, “but is it too much to ask to want to date a guy who meets a certain intelligence requirement?” My answer: absolutely not. Now, my friend’s ex wasn’t
Read moreWe were restless, only a minute left until lunch. The teacher’s voice accelerated over the din of whispers and backpack zippers, like a stereo with a broken volume-control dial. Finally, the bell rang and everyone rushed for the door. My new boyfriend and I gazed at each other across the room, eager to take each other’s hand. I was both
Read moreThe scene is familiar: I’m at a party chatting with a group of friends. Gradually, we draw in the nearby group of guys, and before long, I’m amiably discussing quantum physics or artificial intelligence or some other topic I’m completely unqualified to have any opinion on (but do, anyways). Then, the conversation turns personal: what do you do, where do
Read moreCrazy wild, primal sex is mind blowing. Telling me you want to have sex like how other animals get down is cause for me to wonder a lot of things about you. Your sanity is one of them. Whether or not you got bitten by a rabid dog as a young child is another.
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