How I Pissed Off A Bunch Of Asian Women On The Internet
Welp, the angry people are at it again.
From now on, whenever I submit an article to The Frisky, I should just make it my goal to see how many hypersensitive people I can offend. That’s what usually ends up happening, anyway.
Here’s a rundown of the latest drama:
I published an article (which itself was based on an old Musings post) about the fact that a disproportionate percentage of Asian women in San Diego (around 30%, according to an informal survey I took on Match.com) openly refuse to date Asian men. The key term here is openly. These aren’t women who secretly prefer to date non-Asians, but don’t admit it. These are women who publicly announce that they will not date Asian men.
Now, the point of my article wasn’t to judge these women. Nor was it to try to convince them to change their dating preferences. Short of me formatting that part in flashing 20-point Comic Sans font, I don’t know how I could’ve made my intentions more clear. For the record, I see nothing wrong with interracial dating. I think everyone should be allowed to fall in love with whomever they want.
No, the point of the article was to share how this affected my personal dating life. Because the reality is that, as an Asian-American male, I’m confronted with a huge dating discrepancy:
A much higher percentage of Asian women date outside their race than Asian men.
This means that, by my calculations, 19% of the Asian men in the United States are left with nobody. Here’s how I got that number: If 36% of Asian women and 17% of Asian men marry outside their race (according to the Pew Research Center), that means a whopping 19% of Asian men are literally left with no one to marry.
[Note: I’m still trying to wrap my brain around this stat, because it’s absolutely shocking to me. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong (because, boy, do I want to be wrong). Is it really possible that 19% of the Asian men out there are left with no one to marry? What am I missing here?]
I certainly think this fact is worth mentioning. And I certainly think the explanation for this discrepancy is worth speculating on.
Of course, my story incited some choice commentary. Here are two of my favorites:
“You sound like a bitter Betty. Maybe that’s why Asian women won’t date you. Because I wouldn’t… not because you’re an Asian man, but because you’re so shortsighted on humanity.”
“No, you’re supposed to be disappointed that you’re a prejudiced, short-sighted individual who submitted a terrible article.”
Not surprisingly, both of these comments came from Asian women. I think it’s safe to say that I made a few enemies today (though, granted, it was really only a handful of — okay, like three — exceedingly vocal women who took offense).
Personal attacks and accusations on my transsexual identity notwithstanding, there’s something I find truly sad about this entire situation….
Let’s say that, hypothetically speaking, a black man starts going around the internet and making public announcements that he will only date white women (I specifically use this as an example, because black men/black women is another group with a huge disparity between the genders when it comes to interracial dating).
Imagine the flak the man would likely take. Or, imagine how a black woman who calls out this man might be treated. At the very least, I think she would be commended for having the courage to point out an uncomfortable truth.
And yet, when I do the same, and I point out the fact (supported by hard evidence from a national survey) that twice as many Asian women than Asian men end up marrying outside their race, I’m the one who gets called prejudiced and ends up having to defend himself?
That, to me, is a little messed up. And maybe that says something about how much respect Asian-American men get when it comes to dating perceptions….
Addendum 5/7/18: The Frisky has removed comments entirely from their site, so you can read the comment archive here. Otherwise, this blog post doesn’t make much sense.
I saw your article at The Frisky. I think anytime you talk about race and dating it’s going to ignite some explosions for some because both can be such sensitive topics.
Anyway, good post.
Hey, thanks. And thanks for stopping by.
Its cool. Don’t let them get to you. You are being honest. Many people have made the same observations and have the same curiosities about those statistics. Anyone vaguely interested in social science would see your article as a starting point for further inquiry. In fact, I keep volunteering for interviews led by Phd candidates who are looking into these facts, which just confirms that your questions are valid and being pursued academically as well. Keep up the good work!
Thanks, Jenni. Yeah, there’s a ton of research that’s been done on interracial marriages, and I love reading about it. Some of the conclusions they draw aren’t necessarily politically correct, but I do find them… well, interesting.
Dennis, I may have missed something here as I haven’t read The Frisky and well I have a fear of numbers and statistics, but when you say 19% of Asian men have no one to date, have you factored in the non-Asian women who date Asian men? Maybe it’s in the other article, but you don’t mention it here. Is this just a plug to go read your other article?
Yes, that would be the 17% of Asian men who date outside their race. You don’t have to read the other article. The stat is taken from the Pew Research Center’s study, which I’ve linked here.
Here’s the exact stat:
36% of Asian women marry non-Asian.
17% of Asian men marry non-Asian.
By my calculation, that would mean that 19% of Asian men… just don’t get married?
Yes, it sounds shocking, but I can’t figure out how else that discrepancy could work out….
This is assuming, of course, that there are just as many Asian men as women in the United States. But even if there aren’t, I can’t imagine how the difference could account for a 19% discrepancy.
There is one point in your article that seems fuzzy and is essential to your point: what is the statistical difference between Asian women that manifestly will only date non-Asian men and Asian women who end up marrying non-Asian men? People grow up and change their minds… They meet Asian people who change their expectations and perceptions. Some marry non-Asians but would have married Asians if they had the chance. Aren’t we mixing the points a bit?
You’re right, the two stats are not exactly the same. I just wanted to point out how eerie it was that I was able to find such a similar numbers.
Good article … I found that 19% stat to be quite interesting. However, could it be that the stat is taking into account asian americans? Perhaps the 19% marry their asian brides from overseas (not referring to mail order).
I love the angry comments from people who either don’t understand your basic premise or couldn’t be troubled to read the entire article before making up their minds about you. Happens all the time in our hypersensitive society and I’m glad you’re able to laugh about the nutty responses instead of taking them personally.
Thanks, man. Yeah, one thing I’ve learned as an internet writer is that the troll are gonna troll, and you just have to learn to roll with it.
If you want a good laugh (or facepalm, whichever you prefer), check out the comments on this piece that I wrote for The Frisky that got picked up by another site:
As a white woman married to a black man, I find your article interesting. I’ve heard about the discrepancy in the dating habits of both Asian-American and black-American men and women. Intestingly, I have read a couple scholarly articles (no, I don’t have citations) that boil it down to who white women and white men are willing to date. Apparently there are a lot more white women who refuse to date Asian men than white men who refuse to date Asian women (something to do with war vets). Similarly there are significantly more white women willing to date black men than white men willing to date black women. It seems to me that people are slightly less willing to openly admit that they refuse to date a particular race, rather I’ve heard people say something to the effect of “it’s not that I’m racist, I just don’t find x race attractive.” Unfortunately, they don’t believe that their feelings about a peron’s “attractiveness” can absolutely boil down to racism, just check out political comics from around the time of the emancipation of slaves in the United States.
Not to say it does all boil down to white persons preferences, but it is another interesting aspect to the issue.
I have also noticed a significant increase in this sort of preference among young Latino people (grew up in Arizona, live in SoCal, before I was married I dated 3 Latino men who were notorious for dating white women and almost all the young Latina women I know refuse to date Latino men)
Dennis!!! love your article and i’m an asian gal!
I’ve always found those stats interesting and find articles about it interesting as well. I appreciate you, a male, writing about it. I’ve only seen women writing about it so far. But it’s not like i’ve been counting articles, just haven’t read one by a guy yet. (oh and btw, when I’ve discussed this topic with asian guys they were NOT interested in discussing and were very upset with my thoughts too) I didn’t bother bringing it up to any friends that were with asian men either.. that’s just plexico burress style.
Soooo thought you might find it interesting to know that I am one of those women who has stated that I wouldn’t date asian men. I did so, because most of my life (i’m 31) Asian men have never approached me, “courted me,” or treated me in a way that made me feel the way I loved to feel. Also, very few asian men have ever had any interest in me.. or at least very few have SHOWN interest and so I never knew they even liked me.
When I realized there was a crush, the guy was usually worshipping me and kinda from a distance which is weird because you know someone has a crush on you but they never do more than get all googly eyed and stutter voiced with you.
OR my favorite they never made a move so things became awkward. Let me rephrase, SUPER AWKWARD.
I should also note that I don’t think I fit the stereotype of the asian women I grew up with… i’m not a nurse, I wasn’t a model in hot import nights or a fake model in HIN.. I played video games, seriously watched football and played sports. I also had more than just my circle of asian friends.
I say this because I find that my other asian girlfriends that are like me, have pretty much the same kinda story.
I did try and before I met my current non asian bf I decided in my mind that I would not say no to anyone. I had crushes and dated 2 and crashed and burned before anything even got started.
*shrug* i won’t say never anymore because that is silly all on it’s own but I will say that I refuse to bother to much with asians since I dont’ much love from them to begin with.. You go with what works right?
lookin forward to reading the blogs and happy i found this!!!
Thanks! Glad you liked this post and the rest of the blog.
You know, you’re not the first Asian woman who has said that Asian men never approach her. I do agree that, on average, Asian men probably tend to be more timid. And it’s likely a cultural thing, since traditionally, Asian immigrants are raised with the idea that they need to do what they can to “fit in.”
I think it may also depend on what part of the country you’re in, too, now that I think about it. If you’re in an area where there are a LOT of Asians, then I think you’ll be more likely to meet Asian men with a wide variety of personality types. Because there definitely are Asian guys out there who aren’t shy or timid, who don’t fit the traditional male-dominated cultural stereotypes, etc. I guess some women are lucky and meet these types, and others aren’t. 🙂
Thanks again for reading!
Wow, Ms. Michelle, great post! Absolutely non-politically correctly speaking, if Asian guys are not especially tall and are known for not approaching women enough, then they are already TWICE on the wrong side of the demand list for MOST all women, let alone Asian women.From the reaction I see on these sites, Asian guys do not stand a chance at all.
I find this article very interesting. I have a few possibilities that could maybe explain some of the discrepancy and I don’t mean to offend with some possible reasons. One is that I do notice that Whites and Asians are very compatible together. White men especially seem to love Asians and I do mean ALL Asians. Perhaps some of the Asian men who aren’t dating Asian women are dating White men? Okay, here is another possibility, doesn’t China already have a larger number of males than females? I saw a National Geographic map that showed what the average human looks like and it was an Asian male, so maybe there are just more of Asian males than anyone else? Also, there is the mail order bride phenomenon maybe more women are being brought here to be married than men? Here is a question, what kind of Asian men are we talking about? There is a vast number of men from different ethnicities that fall under the umbrella term of “Asian”. Do east Indian Asian men have trouble getting a date or just Chinese men or who? Anyway, didn’t mean to offend, just trying to figure this out. Hope you find a nice Asian girl in the future.
Here’s something I posted on a site that reposted your article.
“He’s dispelling one stereotype, that Asians are good at maths. 111 of excluders out of 396 sampled is 28% and it’s just spin doctoring to overstate his point in saying almost 1/3 rather than say just over 1/4 (which is more accurate), or simply 28%. Way to undermine the credibility of his perspective.
Then he manages to do this “In the United States, 36 percent of the Asian women who got married between 2008 and 2010 married non-Asian, while only 17 percent of Asian men married non-Asian.” And conclude this “As it turns out, my half-assed, Match.com survey nailed almost the exact percentage as a national survey of almost three million households.”
He is of course correct about the half-assed bit, but 28% and 36% are not almost exact percentages. They might be if we lived in a world where a margin of error of 8% was considered startlingly accurate.
And yeah, dating and marriage are related but are not actually the same thing. I’d conclude, if there is any accuracy in his numbers, even the open-minded Asian women who weren’t excluding Asian men from their dating pool, threw a disproportionate number of them back in for whatever reason and married whomever they pleased for whatever reason rather than mirroring a “open to dating” statistic.
Okay I get his point, even though it is hard to get past the schonkiness, but after all that and more he goes, “But, whatever. I’m not here to argue against someone’s personal dating preferences. I’ve always held to the belief that we don’t owe anyone an explanation for whom we choose to date.” Ha ha! Right… what was your point?”
I’m going to make a suggestion. Pull up the same data you did on Match.com for Asian male profiles. And use that as a base for comparing attitudes for dating inside of race and outside of it. Without that you are just blowing air.
Anything you decide to extrapolate from comparing those 2 sets of statistics, find some evidence to back it up.
Using incomplete data about marriage and conflating it with data about dating just makes you look bad. And I know damn well that people don’t have to reveal race when filling in marriage application forms even though it is asked. I got married in the US and declined to because the person asking rubbed me the wrong way. Marrying outside one’s race is not synonymous to marrying “white”. Not saying you said that, but if you are exploring race and using status as a motivator as to whom to date and marry, lets get accurate about which races.
If you maintain that dating and marrying white is status enhancing, what is it saying if an Asian woman marries someone black, native, Hispanic, or middle eastern? You need to eliminate those from your statistics and show the same elimination from your Asian male statistics as well to compare to see what the disparity between the two actually is if you want to make a point that some are potentially marrying for status. Surely also, if you maintain white has status, Asian men who date and marry white women are just as prone to this dynamic as well, whether or not they are as successful or inclined to is a different thing. Or is this whole exercise, a way for you to deflect from that criticism by casting the “blame” at Asian women for being disinterested in you? Yes, that thought did occur to me as I read your article with its lack of balance and gapping holes.
By mentioning it would please your mother to date an Asian woman just makes me roll my eyes. I imagine that factor makes you less appealing to date to westernized Asian women and non-Asian women both. Whether you do what pleases your mother or not is beside the point, you mentioned it, and that’s enough to be off-putting.
BTW, whose being hypersensitive if they get only 3 critical responses and extrapolate that into a whole poor me article.
And your article did come across as primarily whining about Asian women’s dating behaviour because you feel this puts Asian men out in the cold by solely concentrating on why you think the 28% of Asian women in your statistic set excluded Asian men. Perhaps you could put as much effort into examining male behaviour. As a generalization I find male behaviour (regardless of race) problematic because there seems to be a disproportionate number of men who think they deserve “trophy women” (for lack of a better term) regardless of whether the men would meet a similar expectation in women’s eyes. I point this out because of your failure to examine men’s attitudes and behaviour in this whole thing comes across as pretty arrogant, along with the judgment that only one of the 2 women that “winked” back at you was “pretty cute” (shallow, much?).
You’re right, it was only three angry Asian women. But that’s pretty telling, isn’t it? That there is a tiny minority of Asian women (you included) who are vehement that I’m in the wrong here, when everyone else gets my point.
I was actually giving you some pretty good advice as a starting point for actually making credible points for your argument because I don’t fundamentally disagree that there are certainly some interesting race dynamics with relations, JUST YOUR USE OF STATISTICS SUCKS BIG TIME, and your imbalanced focus on gender attitudes would make it pretty easy to write you off as a mediocre misogynist who wants to put the blame on women for their dating issues. But I suspect you are such a misogynist who wouldn’t deign to take good advice from a woman.
Must be flattering to be your girlfriend (if you still have one) to have a boyfriend who wrote an article which pretty much says “couldn’t find a date with an Asian woman because they aren’t interested in me (even though “I’m the little Chinese kid standing outside, rattling the gate in envy”), which is why I dated outside my race.” Nothing says second choice like that. Nothing makes it easier for a woman to say “Have a nice life, I’m sure there’s someone wonderful out there for you” with insincerity to find out stuff like that.
Have a nice life.
No, actually, you were only revealing how misguided you are. And thank you, I do have a good life. That’s why I prefer to live it, rather than go around making desperate ad hominem attacks on the internet.
So, maybe that says something about the quality of your life….
No to what? That your use of statistics isn’t dodgy? That you actually did explore the attitudes of Asian men that might be also contributing to this dynamic? That you didn’t just focus of Asian woman’s attitudes instead? In focussing on and being critical of women’s attitudes alone it doesn’t make you look kinda misogynistic? (Jeez, if a white man did that kind of women blaming they would get their balls served on a platter!)
Or was that, your girlfriend is oblivious to the insult? Lucky for you if she was.
“So, maybe that says something about the quality of your life…” – So who’s engaging in ad hominem attacks now? Could it occur to you that while I think there is a grain of validity in some of what you said about dating and race that you did a disservice to your argument by coming across as a women blamer, amongst other things. Yes, I’m offended by women blamers, so will spend my precious time saying something about it, because they do detract from the quality of my life as an Asian woman.
Awwwww, you came back? I thought you had bid me farewell and moved on with your life. I knew you couldn’t resist me! But hey, that’s okay, most women can’t… even *gasp* the Asian ones.
So, since you seem so insistent on belaboring the argument, why don’t we break down how fallacious it is?
Let’s start with the statistics point:
Okay, sure, I’ll grant you that 28% is closer to a quarter than a third. So, given that….
Wait, that’s it? That’s your argument? My argument is that a significant percentage of Asian women openly refuse to date outside their race (which, by the way, is a fact verified by plenty of research), and your rebuttal is that the actual percentage is slightly lower than my estimate?
Have you heard that saying about the forest and the trees? Because you’re focusing on one tiny little splinter from one tiny little sapling here. Oh, that’s right, you have to, because you can’t argue against the verified truth. So, you might as well claw at whatever trivial inconsistency your little nails can reach.
Yeah, that’s pretty weak. Try again.
Okay, how about the misogyny thing then?
Oh, but hey, my article isn’t a gender studies paper. It’s a personal essay, written from my personal experiences. And since my personal experiences don’t, unfortunately, entail me being a woman and seeking potential dates from Asian men, I can’t speak to that.
But wait… I guess that’s one thing we have in common! Neither of us are interested in Asian men. *high-five*
But let’s get back to the point:
Guess what? It’s perfectly okay for my article to be one-sided. There are tons of perspective pieces out there. That doesn’t make their arguments any less valid, especially when their points are backed by proven fact. If you read any misogyny into it, that’s solely on you.
Which brings us back to you, because clearly, this is your issue we’re dealing with now, not mine. So, consider this:
Could it be that you know, deep down, that I speak the truth? That my points, while uncomfortable to accept as an Asian woman married to a white man, are back by proven research and therefore undeniable?
Does it make you squirm to know that my article resonated with so many people, because so many people do recognize the reality that there is a clear discrepancy between Asian men and Asian women when it comes to interracial dating?
Does it make you want to attack me because I am not afraid to point out this discrepancy and, furthermore, I’m confident enough to do so in an unapologetic, yet self-deprecating manner (which everyone else gets, but you insist on reading as whiny on my part)?
Does it frustrate you to know that, in spite of my allegedly offensive writings, I still have tons of fans?
Does the truth sting just a bit, because on some level, you know that everything I argued probably drove your own personal choices, whether consciously or subconsciously?
Because, like the militant homophobe who attempts to hide the fact that he’s secretly gay by actively gay-bashing at every given opportunity, you only reveal your own personal issues the more you try to argue my points.
Just remember, you’re playing with the big boys here (or rather, one specific big boy). It’s my job to write for the internet and to know what I’m talking about. I get paid to crush trolls like you. If you want to keep coming back for more, I am happy to oblige. But, ya know, it might behoove you to come up with some stronger arguments. Which… oh but wait. You can’t come up with strong arguments when you’re up against the truth, can you?
Oh, and one more thing: In the future, Mrs. Shore, please refrain from insulting my girlfriend. I’m used to dealing with trolls, but she is not. And I will not tolerate her getting dragged into the argument. You were verging on insulting her with your mentions, so I’m going to let them go for now. But, consider this a warning should you choose to continue this discussion.
Your move, hot stuff.
Lauri Lee! do me a big favor and shut your mouth! I am not white and i did get that white man fever but it really doesnt go too far because in america even the white is a minority so who will u date next? albinos?
keep up the good work. when these asian bitches say they will not date an asian man it means they will only date a white and strictly white man. you can be rest assured that vast majority of these bitches will not date black, latino, middle eastern or what ever man of color. it’s all to do with the socio-economic ladder. just as the afro-american community has their share of white women chasers, the asian community also has their share off white men chasers. while the white women chasers make up less than 10 percent of the black male population, the white men chasers probably make up more than half the asian female population. These Asian bitches think so highly of themselves that they consider Asian men not good enough for them. They are so very ashamed of their Asian background that they have to desperately look for a man or rather any man with a white skin to make themselves feel superior. I’ve even come across some Asian men who have complained about these bitches poking fun at their cultural background with their white bfs. That’s how sick these bitches are. If any Asian bitch does not want to date an Asian man, it’s because of the following:
inferiority complex (about their race)
climbing the socio-economic ladder by dating and marrying white
unattractiveness of asian men (but they also wouldn’t settle for black, latino etc. other than white – yes, there are bm/af and lm/af couples but that’s a drop in the bucket)
Now, will somebody bring back the KKK and get rid of these white worshipping self-hating Asian racist bitches.
Just an addition: these Asian bitches are a disgrace to my race.
someone is an angry asian elf.
More like a troll, I think.
Not really sure how to respond when the troll is on “my” side, though….
well i’m on your side too.. but i don’t think asian women are racist bitches just because they prefer to date white guys…. there are asian guys that prefer to date ONLY hot import nights looking asian girls. White guys that only like White girls. i mean it’s just ignorant in general.
so if you think that asian girls who date white guys are racist asian bitches. or just asian bitches trying to climb some socio economic ladder… then I have little respect for anything you’ve said in this post and will now think little of asian males as so many have had a similar view. At least this guy was honest about his hatred.
No, I don’t think that. I meant he was on “my” side inasmuch as he was supportive of this post.
Since I’m running short of time today, why don’t the 2 of you checkout
and YouTube Johnny De Beer on Tyra Banks Show.
I’ll have lots to post when the weekend comes.
But that’s the problem, though. You’re focusing on these fringe cases and using them as justification to call all these women “bitches.”
As your link clearly states, this isn’t the case for all interracial relationships. Yes, the examples given in the article may be the most glaring. But that’s because everyone knows it’s messed up. No one’s going to argue that there isn’t something inherently creepy about a 60-year-old white man with his 20-year-old FOB arm candy who can barely speak English. I just don’t see the point in taking these fringe cases and extrapolating in the way you did.
Instead, I’d prefer to focus on the more subtle inequalities we see–the fact that there is a noticeable discrepancy between Asian male/non-Asian female and Asian female/non-Asian male. The fact that many Asians (both men and women, but definitely more women than men) do refuse to date within their race.
I certainly don’t think this discrepancy can automatically be chalked up to these women all being “bitches.” I mean, if you do that, you’re only gonna end up turning yourself into a very angry Asi….
Oh, wait. I see what you did there.
why do you even need to focus on the discrepancy? It’s pretty obvious. f you have mentioned there are many more Asian bitches who refuse Asian men compared to the vice versa – soit’s only natural to have more non-Asian male/Asian female (actually the bulk of fhem are WM/AF) couplesthan the other way around. It’s simple math.
And no. I don’t agree with you that these asian bitches are the fringe cases. The statitical anomaly of 75% of all interracial couples being WM/AF brings doubts to my mind that these relationships are far from genuine. It’s more like these white worshipping Asian bitches having their dream come true.
From my experience, I have personally come across 4 cases of WM/AF married couples. One AF is married to a pastor. 2 of them have unemployed husbands and the Asian wife has to support the family – and 1 of these Asian wives has to take on 2 jobs while her unemployed white hubby is fooling around with a Vietnames babe aaand she still can’t decide whether to divorce him. It’ll probably be hard for her to find another WM at her age. As for the fourth case, an FOB Asian bitch ripped off her family of over $1mil. and married a white trash – I call him a white trash because he wears the same denim jeans oved and over again which have a smell and yes – he is presently unemployed.
And I won’t hesitate to continue to bash these sick white worshipping Asian bitches just as they’ve been bashing Asian men while chasing after white men.
To be continued.
very true like i said i had white man fever and at the beginning it was awesome to show off my white bf! but then the money issue and i had to support him in the end also had to be his sex toy! i didnt complain but u know that in my experience with white men! they will be with you but they will always love white women blonde and blue eyes! if they do date outside their race is to fulfill crazy fantasies if they do marry you is to have u as some sort of servants! i have noticed too that when the asian woman is with a white guy he walks ahead she runs behind him like igor! please asian women dont be so brainwashed as to sacrifice your own culture and look stupid while at it! love yourself cuz that white bf is checking out the pamela anderson type baby youre just a weird desire and fetish yuck
Quote: then I have little respect for anything you’ve said in this post and will now think very little of Asian males as so many have had a similar view
1. DO YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT MY POST GETTING ANY RESPECT FROM A NOBODY LIKE YOU?
2 YOU’RE VERY WELCOME TO THINK VERY LITTLE OF ASIAN MALES. YOU’LL ONLY BE JOINING THE MULTITUDES OF ASIAN BITCHES WHO LOOK SO VERY, VERY, VERY,VERY LOW DOWN ON THE OPPOSITE SEX OF THEIR RACE.
caps lock is big for you … compensating for other things. lol
anyway, my post wasn’t talking to you. I could really give a shit about your comments. As I was really speaking to dennis, as I do respect what he wrote and the reasons why.. and dennis… you may not remember but i actually was on your “side.” and thank you for your permission to not think much of someone or a group of people. it’s so very appreciated to know a person like you gives people permission to like or dislike.
“i don’t give a shit what you think.”
have a good day angry asian male.
A guy and a girl happen to meet at a party. They start chatting with each other and find they have things in common. There is chemistry between them. They decide to meet again for dinner a week later. During dinner they had a great time talking and laughing every now and then. They decide to meet again and again and again each time finding the other one more interesting. They now do some things together – running in the park, movies etc. A relationship develops between them. They are now bf-gf. He just happens to be white and she just happens to be Asian. Now, that’s a genuine relationship. Is this too complicating for those self-hating Asian bitches to understand? And yes, Michelle. I am full of hatred against racism especially self- hating racism from my own race. I’m not one of those beta-type AM whose going to take this racist garbage with my face down in the mud.
~sigh… if you are so hell bent on being against racism get off your ass and go do something about some real racists.
I do not hate asian males. and furthermore you stated, that if we dated white males that we wouldn’t date any other race. ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE. OH wow caps do make me sound so much angrier.. GRRRRR. lol
you are too much fun. mainly because i will always walk away knowing how ignorant i’m not. have a good one mr. angry.
No, with that much bitterness and hate, you’re classic gamma.
Michelle, you will always walk away being ignorant. Would you call me an elf if I were Black or Latino or white? Do you even know my true height? You assume I’m an elf just because I’m an Asian guy.
And Dennis, I’m not all that full of bitterness but I would really have lots of fun bashing all those white-loving Asian bitches who have such distaste for dating men of their own race or any non-white race. And what goes around comes around. (And no, maybe I misrepresented my views. Not all Asian women are bitches – only those “I only date white men. I don’t date Asian men”) BTW, something happened in the elevator of the Fairmont hotel SF today as I took the elevator from the L floor to the 3rd floor.
Quote from Michelle:
“I don’t give a shit what you think.” You think I didn’t know that. Why on earth did you think I put all the caps lock on – to tell you I don’t give a flying fuck about you. Only a dumbass like you would think I’m doing it to compensate it for something else. Talking about racists I should start with you.
You say you don’t hate Asian men. But you will never date an Asian men. And you sure know how to stereotype Asian men calling me an elf. Oh yeah, I’ve also got a small one because I’m Asian. That’s why one of my posts is in caps – to compensate for it. Self-hating Asian slut.
If anyone would dare meet this 5’10” elf, feel free to let me know. I can assure you I won’t get violent nor even angry. I’m just so very disappointed with the multitudes of self-hating female racists in my race.
Easy my brother, go easy with that temper. I was once a very “angry Asian man” but now I have been thoroughly deterred and I am taking advantage of the very little opportunities provided since the odds are stacked unfavorably. I did not target Asian Women who preferred exclusively dating White Men but rather, I reacted and settled racial intimidation and bullying with violence. In my days as a youth, I was once a prey and therefore, I was conditioned to believe for an individual to obtain respect and acceptance, one must obtain it by brute force. Consequently, I faced various assault and attempted murder charges. I’ve served long stretches in several correctional facilities and penalized financially losing nearly every civil lawsuits. To this day, it is difficult for me to be considered a qualified candidate with any reputable employer and my access to resources are extremely scarce. Despite these adversities, I have managed to do well and hope is no longer lacking. I consider myself lucky to be able to capitalize on these rare opportunities, my purpose is to reinforce you restraining yourself from the potential violent outbursts. I hope by briefly sharing my experience helps in this concerning matter.
You could certainly see your skills within the article you write.
The world hopes for even more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to mention how they believe.
At all times go after your heart.
Thanx J lady. Glad to hear that you do not have anything against men of your own race (I.e. not just Asian men but Japanese men.)
Yesterday, I got into the elevator of the Fairmont in SF. after I walked in, a white guy walked in with his one piece luggage, followed by an Asian girl also,with a one piece luggage and then, another white guy who was getting off at the M floor. Anyway, this guy struck a brief conversation with the Asian girl after asking which floor she was going to. When he got off at the M floor, tha Asian bitch started a conversation with the other white guy asking him where he was from totally ignoring me. If she had read all the posts on this site, I would understand her ignoring me. But she was basically ignoring me because I was an AM and just wanted to pick up,the WM. Anyway, before I could give this self-haring bitch a piece of my mind, I had to get off on the 3rd floor. So Michelle and Dennis, feel free to poke fun at me. You know what they say about sticks and stones.
Greetings AAM and Dennis. I’ve read the article and you are spot on in some respects. I have an Asian fiancee and we are getting married in less than a year. Honestly I was one of those Pro-Black males (still am in a way) that I didn’t want to deal with any other woman than a Black woman for I believed at the time that only a Black woman can understand the plight of the Black man in this world. This is my first actual interracial dating experience and I simply love it. But my point in stating this is I decided to put cultural differences aside and opened my mind to finding happiness where the Universe deems it proper.
You sound like a man who loves his Asian women and would properly treat her with more respect than she is used to. But to call your woman out as a Bitch is no bueno. I talked to my lady about her dating me and warned her that dating a Black Man requires you to have some skin. She laughed and said she has dated Asians and Whites and this is by far the best she has been treated [i.e. Affection, Trust, and Moral Support]
The big thing I hear from Asian women is that Asian men don’t have respect for them and treat them as a subordinate than as an equal. Same thing goes for White males. So she decided to date me b/c we were totally compatible and since we never dated in each others race it made it more of a love curiosity which I’m thankful it worked out. In any race you always find people looking elsewhere where there is no happiness in sight.
As for dating AAM my advice to you is to set certain standards in the woman you are trying to date. The avg Asian woman is not for you. You need someone who is understanding and compatible to you period. You only need one my friend :-). Here are some tips that helped me in interracial dating.
1. Throw race out the window..have no hangups or biased opinions based on second hand information. I’ve met Asians who hate Blacks but never seen a black person outside of the television or movies so their perspective is distorted.
2. Write a list of what you are attracted to and what you dislike. Trust me it helps. Maybe not what you like but definitely what you don’t like and thats the most important.
3. Remember the woman always makes the final choice in dating. If you think about it..its totally true.
4. Try friendship dating although its seems weird but Ih ave dated a lot of women of different races but never really slept with a lot of them b/c I just wanted to get to know them to understand their culture more. [My fiancee and I knew each other for 9 years before we decided to date each other and we never “hooked up sexually” before we started actual dating not even a kiss.
5. Put the hungry eyes on Ice. I’ve heard from countless women that they can tell when a man is desperate or worst doesn’t have anyone. I don’t know the science on it but its true after my fiancee explained to me and I saw it in action.. [It’s a shameful site Im sure I was guilty of at some point.]
6. This is the most important.. Fuck everyone else and concentrate on the goal at hand. My goal was to find the perfect woman for me period. I’m 37 Black male with no children [yet] , University educated and no criminal record. My goal was to not have children out of wedlock b/c my parents got married first then had us.
7. Finally embrace the good stereotypes and work to dispel the negative ones that you can control about Asian men. As a Black Male we have a long laundry list of negative stereotypes (some self-inflicted but a lot due to racism and mass media coercion. I cant tell how crucial this is b/c most people are basing their opinion on someone else’s bad experience or unjustified internal hatred.
Sorry for the lengthy response but I’ve been seeing some real ignorant comments and posts over the internet about Blacks & Asians dating whether it be BM or AM. Good luck AAM and remember you only need one woman to love and treat an equal mentally and spiritually. Great article Dennis..keep it going.
I was on a plane going from LA to GUAM. I had the aisle seat, some asian bitch had the middle seat n a white guy had the window seat. Now keep in mind the flight was 14hrs long. The entire time, this asian bitch is conversing with this stranger white dude whom she has never met, doing all kinds of crazy shit like taking pics n hugging this dude while ignoring me (trust me. The white guy was no brad pitt). I just Laughed it off n chucked in up as another sellout asian girl doing her thing
“36% of Asian women and 17% of Asian men marry outside their race… that means a whopping 19% of Asian men are literally left with no one to marry.”
You’re assuming that the population sizes of Asian men and Asian women in America are about the same.
Awhile ago I said to a Chinese girl (who’s from China) that most Asian American women prefer white men over Asian men. She gave me the most honest answer I’d heard:
“That’s because they want to have beautiful mixed babies.”
what is so beautiful about it? at the end the baby will grow up and still look asian wtf?
I dunno if someone else mentioned this (I scrolled down after 3-4 responses) but maybe that 19% CHOSE not to get married. Do you know how ridiculous American laws are when it comes to marriage when your the man? A woman can take a man for half he’s got/earning even though they’re strictly platonic roommates, let alone during a divorce.
anyone who openly refuse to date in their own race is a self hating person and make contradictory to yourself and to your family.
Central Asia (Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, etc.) are countries essentially filled with hapas — Slavic women had children from Mongol men when the Mongols invaded. I don’t see women rushing off to cart away these people as “Beautiful”. The whole hapa thing is just a veneer — the true benefit in AF/WM is all that white privilege and social standing boost you get for dating white. Western hegemony, basically.
I am an American-Asian guy, my dad is white and my mom is Asian. I grew up in the US and had a pretty normal childhood. I grew up thinking I was practically white, I guess I am (after all, I have the mind of a US person). I realized, when I was becoming a teenager, that looked quite Asian, except for my eyes. (I do not in any way intend to be offensive about looks here). I realized I also liked white women more. As I realized I was looking quite Asian, started being more selfconscious of myself. However, because I grew up without really assosiating myself with Asians people think I know Chinese and expect more of a reaction when they make an Asian joke. (I don’t know why, but I really don’t mind these kinda of jokes).
Okay, I will just skip to the question my stupid overly self consious mind has… I am not sure if this is me being the shy person I am either or what but…
I want to know why this is (the reason why the uninterested percentage is high)
Is it because of how we look?
Or is it how we act?
I will gladly appreciate any feedback, and apologize if I offended anyone or made stupid grammar mistakes.
I think you ask some great questions (so definitely no apologies needed). But unfortunately, I don’t think you’re going to get any straight answers. Or at least ones that aren’t going to make people uncomfortable. Because the reality is that, in modern western media, Asian men are portrayed as the most asexual — even sexually inept — of any ethnic group. And honestly, I think that plays a big role in women’s general perceptions.
I also think it’s awesome that there are Asian males starting to be seen as sex symbols in Hollywood. But the few examples only seem to prove the stereotype.
At the same time, I think you should keep asking these questions. Because I believe that’s the only way we can start changing perceptions.
It’s because you are asian and you get the same asian hate that all asian men get. THere is a happa who did a great article on the internal strife that happas get, and the self hating mothers that hate them as a result. I saw a happa today and thoguht I hope that kid makes it. Personally I don’t know who has it worse, asian men or happa men..
So, I just saw this and I find it an interesting statistic to show still. I mean from a completely objective point of view, I know a lot of my asian girlfriends are dating white guys. It’s just interesting to read, especially considering how the Pew’s statistics were measured. It’s basically about 1% or 5% of the populations. However, considering that Asian American communities are not distributed evenly in a 1% to 5% survey, perhaps looking at the regional data would be interesting.
Also, they say this point in the report: The highest rates of newlywed white/Asian couples are in Hawaii (9%), the District of
Columbia (7%) and Nevada (5%).
Anyway, my point being that all this data that is analyzed could be skewed. I mean, 36% and 17%, as you said is separated by 19%. This could be explained with standard deviations, which could drop the difference down pretty significantly. I mean, it’s really dependent on the measurements right? Who responds and what not. Maybe, white/asians are more likely to respond to the census surveys, heaven knows I don’t do them. Also, you have to consider that there are people that 1) Don’t want to get married. or 2) Are homosexual (not saying you are but they do account for some percentage of Asians) or 3)Are mentally disabled and can’t be married (also factor into overall percentage of Asian people). My point is, I don’t think you need to worry.
On another note, these blogs are interesting considering you’re a teacher. I mean, do they read it? Your responses were hilarious to go through though. Pure gold.
Hi Dennis, came across your article about why the guy doesn’t call after first date. Insightful so thanks for that. I wish I could live in the US because I am not into “white” guys so I can help out with the 19 percent you mentioned 🙂 I am Asian German and there aren’t many Asian guys here!
Ha, thanks. I think you’d have to do a ton of dating to bring up that 19%, though. Hope you’re up for it. 🙂
My fellow Asian brethren, don’t date or marry non-Asian women. We must think for the future and not about getting dates especially with non-Asian women who largely don’t find us mentally/physically desirable in the first place. And if you do manage to find a decent well behaved Asian woman to date or marry, live in majority Asian communities only. Have your children go to mostly Asian schools. Don’t be to materialistic and don’t let your wife/children watch too much television. White people do this all the time but this is called White flight instead of racism. Do what I just recommended and we won’t get trampled upon so much by non-Asian men/women and Asian women.
If that’s what you’ve found works for you, then I can’t argue with that. Personally, though, I think separatism is the wrong way to go.
As for this:
I can tell you from personal experience that that’s simply not true. To be blunt, if non-Asian women find you undesirable, I’d guess it’s more from your mental attitude than your physical appearance.
Well Dennis, let me first say that I am at least thankful to you for expressing your concern at the huge pink f**king elephant in the room. I recall watching a Tyra banks episode on youtube once that focused on the Asian women/White man IR pairing. She had an Asian man on there by the name of Mike and when asked about what his thoughts were about the phenomenon, he said he had absolutely no problem with it. I thought he was being disingenuous or timid.
It did not surprise me that Tyra banks brought up the issue of this IR pairing on her show. The rate of Asian women downright rejecting their men and chasing after White men is in epidemic proportions and is a much more salient/exaggerated issue in the soCal region.
I never even got to talk to White women all that much in college despite the fact that most women in college were White and the worst part was to overhearing them gossip about Asian women. “Oh why don’t they go for their own men, Asian men are nice”. I’m like, “nice” is universal code word in the female world for undate-able.
White women truly pity us if anything and reject Asian men the most I’ve noticed in my life and it also shows in the data that I’ve been seeing. I’ve given up on them entirely because you start to see the true colors of a certain group once the sociological data forces you to objectively view how they perceive you. They’re much more shallow/discriminatory.
As for my earlier post about non-Asian women not finding us attractive in a general sense (both physically and mentally). You just have to believe me on this one, I’m an extremely athletic and intelligent guy and I don’t wander about society observing sociological patterns of behaviors without doing some mental tallying.
Here in Norcal, Asian women are more neutral towards us Asian males whereas in Socal, a large chunk (30-50%) of them are downright biased against Asian men.
I hope I didn’t come off as too emotional or irrational in my earlier post. Because that was the only conclusion that I could come to after all the years of pondering and research from adolescence until now. I’ve yet to hear of the term Asian flight but I look forward to the day when it is a term that is used just as much as White flight and I will devote myself towards achieving this.
Its an old Chinese tradition. Feel what the people feel. Provide and be sensitive but heavy handed at times if need be. I feel it in the hearts of young Asian men in the college towns here in Norcal in the shops/libraries/hangouts. A large chunk of them only want to be with Asian women but can’t find out how to conserve them because the forces against them are too powerful to handle at least on an individual level.
I’m not trying to be condescending here, but you say this from your personal experience:
And my personal experience says the complete opposite, and all the non-Asian girlfriends I’ve had will vouch for that. I’m also in Southern California, where you say the situation is the worst.
So, when you tell me that I just have to believe you, either I’m going to call bullshit, or I’m going to be very slightly insulted that you seem to think you know how my girlfriend (and ex-girlfriends) really feel about me.
And that’s why I’m going to turn it back on you: You just have to believe me, non-Asian women do find Asian men attractive. Maybe not all of them. But certainly enough of them. I know from my own personal experience. So, if you’re finding that there are no non-Asian women who find you attractive, I think you need to look within yourself and figure out what you’re doing wrong.
My guess is it’s your negative attitude, because you’re certainly telegraphing that in droves right now.
You are definitely not wrong about the figures. The 19% of Asian men who will never marry are individuals like yourself but group dynamics will always trump over individual exceptions. In the decades to come, Asian America will come close to resembling one large late 19th century Chinatown where close to one-fifth of the male population will consist of castrated bachelors. Your personal experiences may make you feel better in the short run but you yourself know you don’t speak for the 19% of Asian men who will never marry or find a partner in this country which is obviously a problem. I’ve lost friends just by bringing this issue up. Funny how they directed the anger at me instead of the issue at hand. This is what I sense from you. Insecurity often reveals itself in cowardly fashion through expressions of anger towards the messenger and not the message. I for one, refuse to adopt a willfully ignorant position on the matter. Anyways, this conversation is done, have fun with the non-Asian women.
Well, this is an interesting turn. Let’s see….
You accuse me of being angry. Yet, which one of us is complaining about the dating preferences of both Asian and non-Asian woman? Which one of us has lost friends over the issue?
Hint: It’s not me.
You accuse me of being insecure. Yet, which one of us is complaining that he can’t seem to attract non-Asian woman?
Hint: It’s not me.
You bemoan the indisputable gap in interracial dating between Asian men and Asian women. Yet, which one of us is the actually trying to close that gap by presenting himself as a dateable guy to all ethnicities?
Hint: It’s not you.
A little self-awareness would serve you well in this life, dude.
Let’s not jump the gun there maybe a few reason why Asian women don’t want to marry Asian men. Maybe Asian women think white men are more attractive. In South Korea there are loads of Asian women getting plastic surgery to look like white people.
Also the traditional expectation maybe the reason. For example Asian women are expected to cook for long hours during the holidays. On top of that having Asian in laws can be a nightmare.
Also more and more men don’t want to get married let alone date. I am one of men that can’t even bother to date let alone get married. No advantages to dating women. I don’t hate women but most women have unfair and unrealistic expectations. I’ll be more than happy Asian women are dating white men.
This is a very misguided notion. They are not getting plastic surgery to look like us. They’re getting plastic surgery to follow the trend of beauty that has existed for thousands of years throughout their history. Beauty is always about what is uncommon. This is why in the West our women receive breast implants, liposuction, buttock implants, nose jobs, cheek augmentations, mentoplasty (chin surgery), botox injections, collagen implants, etc. The difference is that the number of women receiving procedures is about the same but the population size is different so if you use percentages then it seems like it’s significantly more. That aside, the pressure to be “beautiful” may also be different because of cultural differences. In the West we TRY to nurture confidence and encourage acceptance. This is simply not the case in South Korea and Asia.
Your response is a perfect example. In the West we are led to believe that WE are attractive (be proud of who you are) but the bottom line is that we don’t look like Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, David Beckham, etc. Our women DON’T look like Scarlett Johansson, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, etc. Yet we are still proud of the way we look because our society says “it’s okay.” I see Asian women that have undergone plastic surgery and THEY DO NOT LOOK LIKE US. They do not WANT to look like us. Honestly, most of them think we all look the same and I’ve even heard a lot of them say that frankly we are simply unattractive. Some of them weren’t so nice and had some choice words like (birth defects etc.) but I’ll save you the injury to your self-esteem. Given the nature and advancements that modern technology have made, if a person REALLY WANTED to look caucasian, they could have it done.
Case in point: http://metro.co.uk/2014/06/02/brazilian-man-has-10-operations-so-he-can-look-asian-4747511/
– This is what is possible if someone really wants to be Asian. The reverse is also true. So I hope this clears things up.
Great article Dennis. But the reason i really wanted to post a comment was because of @tedlabs advice, which is pure gold. thank you for your wise words my man they are solid gold.Arab/Kurd male love asian women but love women in general.
It’s the easy way IN for Asian women
And how many asian women within that 30% were actually attractive? I guess it’s close to zero, if not zero. you can see for yourself; just create a bogus match.com account and scroll through all the asian women in a given region; over 90% of them are not good looking at all. truth is, most asian women actually do prefer asian men, especially if he is above average in looks; the ones who SAY they don’t usually suffer from self-esteem issues or are perhaps bitter that asian men never liked them. notice how the asian women who date white men tend to be noticeably less attractive than those with asian men. that should be telling you something.
also, you have to consider that dating sites in general carry a selection bias; you have to wonder why those women had to resort to online dating in the first place. there’s a good chance that asian women who like asian men don’t even need to use online dating since they already have no problem meeting asian men in real life. thus, of course you’ll have a higher percentage of bitter asian women that will use such sites.
Well, this is certainly one of the more bigoted comments we’ve gotten here….
calling this a bigoted comment makes you a cuck, and that’s where your problem lies. He is just saying it because it is true and yet you call him a bigot. 90 precent of asian women who date white men are ugly.
You want the truth boys? Take it from ME, a Eurasian child from these marriages. I am legit sick to my stomach even thinking about my parents. Luckily my white worshipping mother is dead. Lol @ people telling me to be proud of being a Eurasian or proud of being Chinese. Why? Why should I do that? So I can openly admit that my mother thought only white was good enough, something I could never be? No wonder Eurasians are almost all uniformly weird or mentally ill.
Want to see the real result of Asian women and white men? I keep a blog about the truth about this BS behind closed doors: http://www.longingfordeath.wordpress.com
Do yourselves all a favor and pass it alone for everyone to see what monsters these people really are.
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Dennis, you don’t sound bitter, sexist, racist, or anything negative at all. You sound like a FEMINIST and that is a good thing. It is shocking how frequently women are unable at recognizing their own feminist arguments when said by a man. Your point about how a black man would be criticized for refusing to date black women is totally valid and spot-on. The truth of the matter is that women are not held accountable for being sexist. The feminist blogosphere is replete with articles written by women bemoaning the white standard of beauty, and that is a good thing. The problem is that women are total hypocrites regarding their own dating preferences. If I say that there are too many white women on the covers of magazines, I get applauded as a feminist. If I say that there are not enough people of color in Hollywood roles, I get applauded as a feminist. But if I say that there are too many Asian women dating white men I get booed as a sexist. This is ridiculous since those three statements are pretty damn equivalent.
For centuries nobody care what women thought about anything. that changed in the 1960’s, and frankly, we entered the “anything goes” era of feminism where women’s opinions on gender were worshipped and not questioned. I think that in the 21st century we need to go the extra step and question if a woman’s opinion is in fact sexist.
My mother is Chinese and my father is white. When I last saw her, she said over coffee…”blah blah blah, you know how most Chinese men are ugly…” She stopped herself and then just kind of trailed off. I didn’t call her out because she’s old and I want her to be in peace with herself. Also, I am very accustomed to hearing this sort of blatant racism and sexism from women.
I dated a white girl who asked me, “Why are Asian women so accepting of lame-ass white men?” I asked her, “Why are you so unaccepting? How can that statement not be seen as sexist and douchey?”
You did not piss of a bunch of Asian women, you pointed out their blatant racism, sexism, and hypocrisy.
I can resonate with this, i write a blog on the topic. Here’s an example of one: https://asianamericangfonskype.wordpress.com/2017/03/05/self-hatred/
Black men already do this to BW. Publicly announcing they don’t want BW.