My Hot Date Didn’t Look So Good Upon Further Inspection

Image by Mike "Dakinewavamon" Kline via Flickr

Once upon a time, I walked into a bar on the Upper West Side to meet one of my J-day-tay dates (or what you might know as JDate). I was looking forward to meeting this very tall, very handsome stranger. He was from Kentucky, and Jewish. Over the phone, he had a southern twang of some kind. Or so I thought. More on that twang later.

As I made my way through the bar, I saw him sitting at a table that was placed awkwardly close to another table, with two women sitting at it.

These two girls are going to love listening to our first date unfold, I thought as I approached.

But, he was handsome. Five-star handsome. He looked just like his pictures, which is not always common. We were off to a good start.

“Hi! Andy? Darcy.” I extended my hand.

“Well hello Darcy!,” he said as he pulled me in for a hug.

Ho. Ly.

He was the gayest man I’ve ever met.

Well, maybe not as gay as the date who took me to the Indigo Girls concert and held my hand and wanted to skip.

I turned green. That twang wasn’t just southern, it was downright RuPaul.

I glanced at the two girls at the next table, and they glanced back at me. There was something in their look, an awkward disbelief, that I knew I was not alone in thinking this.

I dreaded sitting down and cursed myself for having to play along with his charade. As I always say, I love a gay man. But, if you want to play for my team, you have to wear my uniform. And my uniform doesn’t involve a beard of any kind.

And so, I sat across from Andy. My eyes glazed over and I went into hibernation mode. There may or may not have been a screen saver slowly crawling across my face.

“Darcy, why don’t I go grab us some beers?”

“Okay,” I smiled through my teeth, cursing him for putting me through this.

As soon as he got up, I turned to the two girls, who had had their eyes fixated on us the entire time.

“Hi girls, level with me. Is my date gay?”

“Oh my g-d yes!!!! When we got here we thought he was cute, but then spoke to him and assumed he was gay. Then you showed up. We were wondering if you knew you had a gay boyfriend.”

You know that girl who people look at and think, “doesn’t she know her date is gay?”

Okay. Got it. I’m her. Good times.

“This is our first date. I met him on JDate,” I confided in these complete strangers.

“That is why I won’t try internet dating. I’d rather be alone forever,” one of the girls said as she looked at me with accusing eyes. She might as well have thrown a dart at me. Not that it mattered much at this point. Who was I to judge. I was sitting there waiting for my gay date to return with my draft beer.

“Oh! Here he comes,” she said in a hushed tone, then left me alone to role-play two straight people out on a date on a saturday night. I wondered if someone was handing out playbills.

I watched him walk towards me. So hot. The boys must love him, I thought.

I decided to not fake it. I went for it.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t. Are you… are you gay?”

“What?” He laughed, but didn’t immediately say no.

“I mean, are you?”

“I need to tell my friends that right away,” he said. He took out his phone, and started typing furiously. He showed it to me, a text that read:

“My date thinks I am gay.”

A few moments, later his phone buzzed.

“Aren’t you?”

And suddenly, Family Feud echoed through my head. Survey says… you’re gay.

Sometimes, we want to believe something is good, so we give it a chance. I know I have been guilty of turning a blind eye here or there because I wanted to believe it would be good.

Maybe it’s good on paper, or good when you look across the table. But it’s not good upon further inspection. On the other hand, it’s downright depressing to be on a terrible date that you know is going nowhere. Maybe my approach wasn’t the nicest, but I could not handle another bad date. And I do believe it’s better to be alone than with a bad date.

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how good everything else looks. We just have to cut our losses.

Read more about Darcy’s dates here.

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  • So was he? Actually, I’ve known a few guys in my time that everyone thought were gay but actually weren’t. One a good friend from school. I wouldn’t have the nerve to put it out there like that on a first date! Did you at least make him your Will to your Grace?

    • I kinda thought that as well. I know a couple guys who everyone thought was gay who weren’t. But also several who don’t advertise that I knew were gay a decade before they figured it out themselves.
      Sometimes the gaydar is good, sometimes the outside makes you think it’s binging when it isn’t.

  • I am not sure. For what it is worth, years later he is still single! I had to put it out there, because after being on so many dates, you eventually get exhausted with people that misrepresent themselves! Was it the nicest thing I have done? Probably not. But I couldn’t help myself!

  • Applause, applause!

    I’m glad you put it out there right away instead of waiting. Just like you, I’m okay with gay men but dammit, not when I’m meeting you on a site meant for dating. This has happened to me a few times before and sorry, I don’t really need any more male friends and don’t care how great it is or how fun a gay man is (hear this ALL the time).

    Oh and LOL @ you mistaking a Southern drawl/twang for a little sweetness instead.

    • Thanks! I am glad you liked it and I am glad you support my coming out (no pun intended) and saying it! There is nothing worse than a depressing date 1 minute in!

  • If he was that… uh… flamboyant, then chances are it’s not the first time he’s heard it. It’s one thing for him to put on a charade for friends and family, but it’s quite another to go wasting a complete stranger’s time. I don’t blame you for saying something!

    • Thanks Katie! Appreciate it! I also told one of my prom dates this at the prom. Guess what? He is my facebook friend now. Excuse me, both he and his boyfriend are both my facebook friends now!

  • Say he wasn’t actually gay then he’s basically doomed for being such an anomaly.

  • Yes, that is true. Can’t win them all, and no fair to stereotype I know, but sometimes you just can’t help yourself!

  • Rebecca Sullins

    Hmmm… this article left me wanting more. I want to know what happened. What did his face look like when he got that aren’t-you text? How did the rest of the date go? How do you know he’s still single.

  • Hi Rebecca! Thanks for reading. Good questions. When he got the text he laughed. I cringed. The rest of the date was pretty much me trying to escape. He even tried to kiss me goodbye! Even though I kept telling him I thought he was gay. Trying to prove me wrong I guess! We became facebook friends before our date, or somewhere around then and I forgot about it. Years later he is out on the dating scene. Still looking for his ideal woMAN.

  • Sorry to say I’ve decided to try internet dating. It SUCKS ASS. As I was browsing the site looking for men, I noticed a drag queen. Really and truly… a drag queen. I don’t know about you but I like my men to actually BE men and certainly NOT dress like women.

  • I think online dating is just like any other kind of dating. You’re taking a risk on people you don’t know very well; sometimes it works out, and sometimes you get a flop. A friend of mine is getting married to a dude she met online. They never would have crossed paths otherwise.

    And another friend has met a total tool. Que sera, sera…

  • I dated a guy who bought me a car after two months, was telling me he couldnt live without me, broke it off a week after giving me the car, and two years later, declares he prefers men…

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