Swerving through traffic on her way home from work, Kristin laughed at me. “Who are you kidding, Dan? You’ll never have that many kids, because you’re never getting married!” I put my feet up on my desk and smiled. “Well, it’s not like you didn’t try to change that about me once upon a time, kiddo. Can’t say that I blame you for trying.” Somehow,
Read moreWhile doing some light shopping at Cabela’s the other night, I met a girl. She worked there. She was cute. She was witty. She was a red-head. Her name was Cassie. I remember walking towards the register with a few items in hand and thinking, “Wow. She’s really cute. Perhaps I should ask her out.” As she began to ring up the
Read moreI’ve never been a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. Yes, I always said that back in the days when I was perpetually single. But surprisingly, my take on the whole thing didn’t really change after finding myself in a serious relationship, then engaged, then married. The cheesy cards, the naked Cupid butts, the hearts… oh god, the hearts. I abhor hearts. Anyone
Read moreMy husband is sleeping with his secretary. Not only do I not care, I actually encourage it. No, we’re not swingers, or in a dysfunctional marriage. We work together… and I’m his secretary! The first question I’m asked when people find out that my husband and I own a business together–and that I technically work for him–is, “How do you
Read moreThere are some things that even my poor memory holds onto tightly. The first time I had a patient “code” on me is one of those memories. A “code,” in medical jargon, is the term for cardiac arrest, when the heart has stopped. The hospital’s overhead paging system will bellow “Code 99” or “Code Blue,” and any available doctors and
Read moreIn the foggy haze of a slightly hungover morning, I heard an earthy voice echo softly in my ear, “time to get up, Danny Boy.” I buried my face into the strange, pink-fringed pillow I’d slept on while slowly realizing my own nakedness. I opened one eye to see an oddly darkened purple room that wasn’t mine. I realized pretty
Read moreA guy who sleeps until noon while I’m fidgeting and can’t get back to sleep, makes no effort to get to know me, and would rather watch television than make out with me? Bad panda. A guy who normally sleeps until noon, but wakes up with me once in a while, makes me breakfast, and takes his time to make sure things get done right? Good panda.
Read moreMartin Luther King Jr. had a dream. I have dreams, too. Most involve giant penguins and the number 47. As for that famous speech, I’ve always believed that someday it will truly become reality. But who am I to stand from the curvaceous slopes of California and shout my opinions? As a person of Middle Eastern and Irish descent, I
Read moreThere’s a perception floating around that men are more promiscuous than women and, hence, have more sexual partners during their lifetimes. Well, I call bullshit. And I’m bringing my army of math to back me up. In a survey taken by ABC News, men reported a lifetime average of 20 partners, while women reported a measly 6 partners. That is,
Read moreI was back home on my first summer break in college when I met Amy. I was 18 years old, rushing around the mall trying to find a gift for my newborn cousin. Amy was a kind-hearted brunette, willing to help a flustered (and charming) stranger find a gift for a five-day-old baby girl. I insisted that she give me
Read moreThere goes Christmas…
Read moreMy mother was right. About everything. And if you ever tell her I said that, I may have to kill you. I wasn’t always the upstanding, hard-working, settled-down, home-owning, pinnacle of the American dream that I am today. And yet, that’s exactly what my mother predicted, even as I was sneaking out all night, smoking, throwing parties, and piercing body
Read moreI have no problem with the Friend Zone. The Friend Box. Friendship Island. The Vortex of Platonic Optimism…. Whatever you want to call it, I think opposite-sex friends are splendid. They can be an arsenal of insight when we need help understanding, well, the opposite sex. What’s not so splendid is the opposite-sex friend who desperately wants to be more
Read moreI jokingly instruct the guys I date that if I ever ask the dreaded question, “do I look fat in this dress?” they should lie, lie, lie. “Always tell a girl she looks fantastic,” I say to them. Yet, even the littlest white lies make me uncomfortable. To me, the problem is that a few harmless snowflakes can easily turn
Read moreI admit it. I have a lot of boxes. A box for friends, and a box for enemies. A box for frenemies, one for family, another for lovers. I even have a box for barely tolerable coworkers. I put the people I trust into one box, and the people I’d like to throw out the window into another box. And
Read moreI had an interesting encounter with a married friend the other night. My husband, our two-year-old son and I went to dinner at “Jack,” “Jill” and “little Johnny’s” house. They’re friends of ours, and we were looking forward to catching up with them after not seeing them for several months. I should mention now that Jack and Jill have a
Read moreI’ve come to expect all sorts of reactions when I tell people that I’m dating someone eighteen years older than me. The blood-curdling screams have been (thankfully) few in number, though I usually expect jaws to drop and eyebrows to shoot up into hairlines. There are also those whose expressions remain suspiciously blank. When their trained smile spreads across their
Read moreHaving a man in my life means a quite a few things: 1. I have someone I’m crazy about and am not afraid to let my freak flag fly. 2. I have someone who finds all the weird things around my apartment that need fixing. 3. I have someone who knows how to fix all those weird things around my
Read moreI just went to a friend’s wedding. Instead of jumping for joy that someone else was joining the club, though, my husband and I found ourselves thinking, “oh, no. They have no idea what they are in for.” I shouldn’t be such a pessimist. This particular couple is incredibly compatible. But, there have been a string of divorces in my
Read moreYes, folks, here she is. The inspiration for countless posts, the coiner of the term Sneak-a-Date, and clearly the person with the smallest ego on this blog. The one, the only, Katie! Except, I guess technically with Dennis, there were two Katies. Anyway. I was the first, and I think that should count for something. Now, I realize that all
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