How To Save Your Relationship While Planning A Wedding

Photo by Chris Craymer

Clyde and I are getting married. This means I’ve suddenly turned into a wedding planner. In case you’ve never gone through this process before, allow me to say that it’s a special kind of pain.

Fellas, be prepared to see a whole ‘nother side of the woman you love enough to hand over a small mountain of cash in return for a sparkly rock.

Ladies, be prepared to come over to the dark side.

By “dark side,” I mean the peculiar kind of pain wedding planning inflicts. There’s so much that goes into planning something as intricate as a wedding, but the weirdest part is… I like the pain. This also makes me wonder if I’m secretly into S&M, but am just in denial.

The whole process starts taking on a life of its own. It very quickly consumes your every waking thought and moment. You become obsessed with things you never once gave a rat’s ass about. Things like table linens, chair covers, different kinds of freaking cakes and their design.

Do you know the difference between thermography and letter press typography? I do now!

Don’t even get me started with flowers and flower arrangement. Who knew there were so many different kinds of flowers??!!! And why do they cost so much?! [Throws a fit.]

So here’s the best piece of wedding advice Clyde got from his coworker and shared with me.

There will be no talking about wedding stuff after 10 PM.

Period. End of story.

At first, I was like, “WHY?! *ROAR!

There’s so much stuff to do!! Why can’t we… oh. I get it.”

Another thing no one tells you is how easy it is to lose sight of each other as you plan for the big day. While you’re focusing on tulips versus peonies and standard linen versus resort linens, you slowly start to forget you’re planning a marriage, not just a wedding.

I was on the fast track to becoming the feared Bridezilla. I was engaged for about five minutes before I realized something: Just because I got the ring on my finger did not mean I was legally married. Six minutes into my newly engaged state found me hyperventilating and freaking out about the wedding planning process.

People told me to sit my ass down somewhere and just enjoy being engaged. I tried doing that. I really did. I was successful for two days before the freak-out resumed. I was a woman possessed as I consumed huge amounts of information of all things related to weddings. During dinner, I would spew all my new-found knowledge at my fiance. As we got ready to sleep, I would regurgitate more morsels of things I had learned, but forgot to tell him during the day.

Clyde is very patient with me and my various states crazy. He listened to me chatter wedding stuff at him mercilessly for about two weeks nonstop before it proved to be too much. He had to slay the beast I was becoming because I could no longer help myself. I had already crossed over to the dark side and was fully in its clutches. That was when he sighed, sat me down, and told me how much he loves me and appreciates all that I’m doing for our wedding.

He then laid down The Rule for me, and I came back to myself.

The stress of trying to stretch your budget to cover everything you need it to cover is the stuff of nightmares if you don’t have your partner in your corner. Nerves will be frayed and tempers will run short. The path that leads to one of the happiest days in both people’s lives is one strewn with sharp words and hurt feelings. Not good.

By making the conscious decision not to discuss anything related to our wedding, we get to spend time reconnecting with each other. Those precious moments spent in bed with the man I love is the time I look forward to at the end of each day. All the craziness associated with wedding planning is left outside the bedroom door. The stress melts away as we laugh, chat and rediscover each other.

It gives us the chance to remind ourselves of why we picked each other in the first place. And, at the end of the day, isn’t that what matters the most?

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  • I have a whole show that I wrote based on this! Listen, I planned a wedding and a honeymoon for a whopping total of $5,000- and our guests still say it was the best wedding they have ever been to! I just told myself I was throwing a big party, and that helped me to deviate from the “normal” wedding which can cost in the tens of thousands (if not hundreds!) You are totally right to just concentrate on you and your fiance- it is, after all, just a day, but it is a day about the two of you and not if the flower arrangements are worthy of Martha Stewart!

    • Did you say 5,000??!! Holy crap, woman! That’s amazing!!! I bow down to you!

      I’m following the same spirit as you. Most of my vendors are friends or friends of friends. I just want to throw a party a couple of hundred of our family and friends will enjoy. Clyde and I will most likely be too tipsy to remember most of it. Thankfully, we have an awesome videographer.

      ….I also can’t justify spending $6k on flowers. SIX THOUSAND!!! WTF!!! That’s almost a down payment on a house! And people are spending that kind of money on flowers for one night! Then again, if they can afford it, then more power to them. ^__^

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