Me And Bad Boy McGee
All right, I’ll admit it… I’m into the bad boys. The kind who never lets you know where you stand, who turns his soulful eyes on you months after you’ve broken up, who runs things on his schedule and never yours.
I’ve played the games and alternately loved and hated them, sometimes playing better than the boys and sometimes playing worse. I’ll let them tug on my heartstrings, even if it hurts, just to know that someone sees me. So I don’t have to be alone.
But someone came along who convinced me to stop the games. And it’s a girl, not a boy. My little sister, in fact. I’ve watched her let the same boy walk over her, time and again. And each time, I get so very angry. How can someone treat her like that? Doesn’t he see how beautiful she is? He doesn’t deserve her, so why would she let him do that to her?
It was this line of thinking that led me to see that I can’t blame her for letting him, when I do the exact same thing. How can I expect my sister to respect herself when I won’t respect myself?
She went off to her first year of college last fall, and she’d sit around in the dorm, “just in case he called”… which he only did once a week. She couldn’t spend time with other boys, because that would be almost like cheating… when he could call up her best friend and ask her to come spend the night at his house.
She used to be vivacious and outgoing, with plans with friends almost every night. Now, she holes up in a little dark room watching movies on her computer because, if she can’t hang out with him, she can’t hang out with anyone, and most of the time, he doesn’t want to hang out with her. They dated for almost three years before he said I love you, and she had to push him to do it.
Her relationship is making her and everyone around her miserable, and she is too blind to see it. Her blindness has opened my eyes, and I can’t let someone treat me like crap when it infuriates me to see her being treated that way.
I’ve always hated the idea of having to be the older sibling, the mature one who sets the right example. As a firstborn child, I couldn’t understand who this little interloper was when she came, and then to be responsible for her on top of that was like rubbing salt in the wound. Why can’t I just live my life for me? But that’s not the way life works, and I’m responsible for her, whether or not either of us chooses to accept it. We’re family, and family takes care of each other. We’re part of each other, even if that sounds clichéd. If we’re a part of each other, and she’s worth treating well, then so am I.
So I have to give up the bad boys, even if it means I feel lonely sometimes. What I do has an effect on other people, especially the ones I love. It’s time to demand that I be treated right, so that I can expect the other people in my life to be treated the way they should be as well. It’s not fair for anyone for me to have higher expectations for them than for myself.
I love my little sister, and if I set a good example for her, maybe she’ll learn from it. I may have a weakness for bad boys, but my weakness shouldn’t cause pain for the people I love. So, I’ll learn to be stronger. I’ll demand that I be treated right if it means I can make my sister’s life a little better.
And maybe I’ll make my own life better, while I’m at it.
I did the exact same thing, except I wised up when I was still really young. Perhaps my sister saw how I was treated at a young age and learned from it, or maybe it’s just that she listens to me and always takes my advice to heart when I tell her a boy is no good and she should break up with him.
My sister goes through the same thing with her best friend, who has horrible taste in men and always goes after the bad guys. There was one in particular who was ruining her friend’s life, cheating on her and telling her a box fell on his neck when she found a hicky, and taking my sister’s money (yeah, I don’t understand that one either). Since the guy is in jail for a few years and got his ear bitten off, the problem has been mostly solved.
So, uh, Mike Tyson’s number might come in handy for you.
Great piece! My sister and I have the same relationship – she like you is my older sister, and her example on what/what not to do when it comes to guys is always the best advice! Your sister is lucky to have someone like you looking out for her! 🙂
Love it !
I can’t say I have a similar relationship with my sister, we were always so close but couldn’t be more different. I paved my own way, even as the baby of the family.
However, there are two beautiful young girls in my life now and one of the most important things I try to teach them is self-respect when they are in their circle of friends and especially with boys.
That’s pretty much the best expression of my reaction…
Score! Another cutie for the nice boys! 🙂
Just find yourself a nice sweet geek who will adore you. I recommend dressing up like supergirl. 😉
Well Lex, I am happy that you are wanting to set a good example for your sister. It can be tricky to be the older sister, especially when the lil sis needs lots of guidance.
But… if it wasn’t for bad boys, there wouldn’t be no boys at all!
Hopefully your sister’s just going through a phase. Apparently all girls go through a bad boy phase- I’ve met (ahem) a few in their own phase along the way. How bad were you during your bad-boy phase, Alex? Are you secretly feeling guilty for stunting her image of what high school/college dating should look like?
I’m curious, because if I adopted my older brother’s social cues at that age, I’d probably still be a virgin.
Dammit. That wasn’t anonymous. I thought I was signed in. Rats.
That was well put and showed you’re awfully self aware. Only thing I wondered-why do you have to feel lonely sometimes after giving up the bad boys? You make it sound kind of like they’re the only option. There’s a whole spectrum between bad and “nice” guys out there…
No worries, Danny. When you do that, you just artificially boost our hit counts. 😉
Danny- Eh, my sister hasn’t seen all that much of my dating history other than the last two guys, one of whom, yes, I pretty much let walk all over me and the other who I kind of walked all over. (Um, why isn’t there an emoticon for a guilty smile? Dennis, I blame you.)
Cameron- I meant more that there’s less options if I give up the bad boys/wait for someone who’s right. There is a whole spectrum of guys, but unfortunately, I have difficulties with being attracted to many guys. I was being serious when I said I liked the games, which I associate with that snarky back and forth you get with a lot of guys like that (my number one turn on).
I think a lot of girls who mistakenly think they like assholes are actually misinformed. What many girls actually like are certain qualities which assholes possess in abudance. Some of them are, in no particular order, mystery, independence, and an opinion. Mystery: the uncertainty, the second-guessing, the he-loves-me he-loves-me-not dance, all that stuff can be exhilirating. Independence: one thing women never accuses bad guys of is calling too often or being to clingy. The very fact that he is not around makes girls miss him. Plus, it’s hard to fight with someone who’s never around. Opinions: a lot of nice guys tend to keep their opinions to themselves and try to please the ladies. A bad boy on the other hand, says exactly what he thinks.
All of the above qualities can make quite an intoxicating mix. It certainly can be a refreshing alternative to some boring nice guys. However, a truly wonderful man can be independent yet loving, mysterious yet reliable, opinionated yet respectful. Bad boy addicted ladies, I hope one day you may have the pleasure to meet such a real man. Until then keep looking!
And boys, don’t let girls walk all over you. You’ll end up losing them in the end. Respect yourself and they will love you more for it!
do I boost the hit counts? btw. nice shows!
To Joseph, I wish I could like/love your post. I agree entirely. I personally have always liked smart boys, but got bored of all of them within weeks because they were none of the things you mentioned above. It’s hard to find someone who has all of the deal-breaker characteristics, but we are all worth it. Now I’ve found a kind, smart and respectful guy who keeps my attention BECAUSE he is independent, opinionated, and strong willed.