The Truth About "The One"
After reading an article written by a very logical and wise friend, I was floored. He and his girlfriend had decided to break up because there was no Moment to clarify that they’d found the One.
I could not believe it. What was he thinking? How could he think that she wasn’t the One? How could anyone think that the One even existed?
I have been happily married for two years to a man I know is not the One. Why? I do not believe there is such a thing as the One. Am I to believe that there is one person out there for me? One person to be my other half, to make my life complete, to spend forever with? Yeah, right!
The idea of the One is just a set-up for failure. Why do we even want to start looking for the One? To find One person out of billions can only be an unattainable goal. The One is bogus!
For as long as I can remember, movies have been telling little girls and boys that there is that One, and when we meet them, we will KNOW. It might be at the bus stop or the coffee shop, but he or she is out there. What movies do not tell you is that, two months later, the conviction that this person is the One goes away, and now we cannot stand this person.
When we realize relationships take work, the goal of the One gives us a reason to end the relationship. Or, we break up with someone because we think something might be missing, even though they do make us happy. We are disappointed and dissatisfied because it is not some Hollywood fairy tale. We have all been brainwashed to believe that there is One person who will make us complete. Lo and behold, the myth of the One has struck again.
We must remember that movie scripts are written by professionals who specialize in pulling on our heartstrings. They are not real life. Real life is work. Relationships are work. The One is not going to change that.
I do not believe that we find the One. I believe that we make the One. By building a relationship through common goals and respect, we create our One. The potential of the One is ever-present, but we still have to work to attain it.
When my husband and I decided to get married, I thought about it long and hard. I realized that he was a man I wanted to marry not because I thought that he would give my life meaning, or that I could not live without him, but because I knew that our personalities, habits, priorities, and aspirations were in sync.
So far, everything is going great, not because he is the One, but because we are both committed to the relationship, to making it the ONE for us.
Thinking that our significant other is the One can sabotage the entire foundation of the relationship. The One implies a sort of higher power or magical component. The One allows us to slack off with the effort we put toward the relationship. If we don’t let ourselves be sucked into this “One” hooey, then we realize that we have to work to make the relationship successful.
If we limit ourselves to the One, we may be doomed to fail before we even start. But if we realize that we can make a life with a number of different people, as long as we are willing to work at making them the One, then the odds are much more in our favor.
Now, the task of finding the One doesn’t seem so daunting anymore, does it?