What Not To Do On Your Honeymoon

There are many suggestions of things one should never do while honeymooning. Guys, never ditch your new wife. I do not care that you just so happen to be in Honolulu the weekend of the Pro Bowl. Unless your wife wants to go with you (which she won’t), skip it. Ladies, never ditch your new husband. I do not care about the awesome craft fair where you can do all your Christmas shopping early. Unless he wants to go with you (which he won’t), skip it.

*Yes, I realize that these are gross generalizations, but I am merely using them as a transition into my personal story.*

Do not, under any circumstances, lose your spouse’s wedding ring! You wouldn’t think this would need to be said, but trust me, it does.

While honeymooning in Hawaii with my lovely and understanding wife, I saw a great opportunity to take some sentimental photos. We were in southern Maui where the coast is lined with volcanic rock. A perfect photo setting for our rings.

So I gingerly placed our rings on a small lava rock above a patch of sand. Well away from any incoming waves. Safe.

I’m clicking away, our rings the only thing I see in the world through the confines of the camera lens. Suddenly, as I attempt to focus in on the rings, I see only two, where three had previously been. The following took place:

Me: Did you take your wedding band?

Wife: What?!

Me: Did you take your wedding band?

Wife: No, I didn’t take my wedding band!

Me: Okay, well, it’s not here.

Wife: Are you serious? Are you really serious? Are you joking?

Me: It’s okay, we’ll find it. It has to be right here.

I looked into the sand just below the rock, where the ring had to have fallen. No ring. For the first time, I was legitimately about to flip out. Now I know how she must have felt.

Upon closer inspection, I noticed a grain of sand that looked oddly luminescent. I ran my fingers through the sand and unearthed my wife’s wedding band.

Me (calmly, as if I knew all along): It’s right here.

I blew the sand off of it and gave it to my bride. She promptly put it back on her finger where it belonged.

Me: Well, I wasn’t really done.

Wife: No, you’re done.

And thus ended the most tumultuous 19 seconds of our young marriage. It was truly amazing how a fall from about two feet literally buried that ring. Must be that soft sand in paradise.

While I cherish the photos I was able to take that day and love the symbolism within them, use caution if you attempt to follow in my footsteps. The photos would not have been worth it had we never found the ring. My advice is to be careful, put someone on ring watch, and maybe bring along a metal detector or very small rake.

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Jon Shellhammer

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3 comments

  • lucky you it was the ring that fell 2 ft and not you 6 ft under for losing it 🙂 jk

  • The “lovely and understanding wife” would like to point out that she did let you take a few more pictures, but that time kept a close watch on the rings.

  • Jon you have the same first and last name of my EX fiance. I guess the world can only handle one married Jon Schellhammer!

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