Everything I Know About Dating I Learned From Hockey
I screwed up. I think I’ve been playing the wrong sport my entire life.
After reading Meg’s article about the parallels between surfing and dating, I came down with a slight case of the copykittens and decided to see what wisdom I could garner from the sport I know best. I was hoping to churn out insight by the heaping spoonfuls, but instead, I discovered that the lessons I learn from hockey will only get me in trouble if I try to apply them to my dating life. See if you agree:
1. You can hit someone, but you can’t hold them.
2. You can bat it with your hand, but you can’t wrap your fingers around it.
3. You only get sent to the box when you do something illegal.
4. Keep both hands on your stick when you’re making a pass.
5. It doesn’t matter how well you stickhandle if you don’t know how to shoot.
6. Don’t just aim for the hole between the goalie’s legs. Look for any openings left uncovered.
7. Whether your stick curves to the right or the left depends on whether you’re left-handed or right-handed.
8. Sometimes you end up with more than one player in the box at the same time.
9. You have to stop playing at the end of the period.
See what I mean? In fact, I could only find one tidbit of hockey savvy that actually works for dating:
10. If too many guys are crowding your goal, forget the fancy moves and just get the puck out.
Still, I think this last lesson is a good one. Maybe there’s hope for us hockey players after all.
So… um, yeah… hey baby, wanna check out the stiffness rating of my shaft?
Latest posts by Dennis Hong (see all)
- On Pet Tigers And Sexual Assault - December 6, 2017
- By All Means, Use Your Cell Phone At The Dinner Table - November 20, 2017
- Personal Freedom Isn’t A Valid Argument Against Vaccination - May 23, 2016
- Dear Gun Owners, We’re Not So Different - January 11, 2016
- Closing Our Borders Is The Logical Equivalent Of Banning Guns - December 11, 2015