Category Archives: Life

Fair Skin, Foul Play

Recently, a friend and I were talking about the newborn baby of another friend. We were discussing all of the usual mundane stuff, like whom the baby resembled, when she commented, “at least he’s fair-skinned.” What the…? I couldn’t believe my friend had said that. Hasn’t my generation moved beyond this crippling, oppressive, racist mind-virus? My generation is supposed to

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Freedom Means I Have Nothing Left To Lose

Swerving through traffic on her way home from work, Kristin laughed at me. “Who are you kidding, Dan? You’ll never have that many kids, because you’re never getting married!” I put my feet up on my desk and smiled. “Well, it’s not like you didn’t try to change that about me once upon a time, kiddo. Can’t say that I blame you for trying.” Somehow,

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The Lion And The Panda

A guy who sleeps until noon while I’m fidgeting and can’t get back to sleep, makes no effort to get to know me, and would rather watch television than make out with me? Bad panda. A guy who normally sleeps until noon, but wakes up with me once in a while, makes me breakfast, and takes his time to make sure things get done right? Good panda.

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A White Girl Can Dream, Too

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. I have dreams, too. Most involve giant penguins and the number 47. As for that famous speech, I’ve always believed that someday it will truly become reality. But who am I to stand from the curvaceous slopes of California and shout my opinions? As a person of Middle Eastern and Irish descent, I

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I’ve Become My Own Worst Nightmare

My mother was right. About everything. And if you ever tell her I said that, I may have to kill you. I wasn’t always the upstanding, hard-working, settled-down, home-owning, pinnacle of the American dream that I am today. And yet, that’s exactly what my mother predicted, even as I was sneaking out all night, smoking, throwing parties, and piercing body

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Is Honesty Really The Best Policy?

I had an interesting encounter with a married friend the other night. My husband, our two-year-old son and I went to dinner at “Jack,” “Jill” and “little Johnny’s” house. They’re friends of ours, and we were looking forward to catching up with them after not seeing them for several months. I should mention now that Jack and Jill have a

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I Can Have My Bacon And Eat It, Too

Religion is a funny thing. Last week the Jewish high holidays happened, and every year right about now, I tend to get introspective and unordinarily gung-ho about “recommitting” myself to Judaism (or whatever you want to call efforts I should be making year-round to not be considered the horrible Jew I am). I don’t think you have to follow all

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Voluntary Insanity

By any standard definition, jumping motorcycles is both stupid and insane. Sanity is functionality. It is the wisdom to not be dangerous to yourself or others. It is the ability to swim with the current and stay clear of the undertow. Intelligence is the ability to learn, to assess risk, to choose the most logical and profitable course of action.

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When The Alpha Male Is Just A Betta Fish

When did the line between genuine and false confidence become blurred to the same level as a faked photograph of indiscernible alien life? True confidence is out there, but people will just as quickly dismiss it as douchebaggery these days. When I’m out navigating the faux-hawks, faux hos and faux pas that serve as the foundation of Vegas nightlife, I

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Are You Annoying?

We humans have this innate desire to classify things. We like to pigeonhole each other and make snap judgments. We segregate into extroverts versus introverts. Right-brains versus left-brains. Movers versus shakers, crazy-haha versus crazy-cuckoo, innies versus outies, prongs versus sockets. We have Rorschachs and Kierseys and Meyers and countless ways to catalog each other. Even online dating sites have started pinning their matches on personality typecasting.

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Numbers Don’t Count For Everything

Some women go through relationships like shoes; I go through men like jobs. I’ve had 29 jobs since I started working when I was 16. I’m not even going to try counting the guys I’ve had crushes on, dated, or hooked up with. My longest job lasted a year and a half, my longest relationship approximately four months. These days

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How Awesome Are You?

Dating advice columns invariably recommend confidence as a key to impressing the opposite sex. Don’t self-deprecate. Talk yourself up. Confidence is a turn-on. Confidence is sexy. Well, hey, I totally agree. But, just as you can’t make yourself smell sexy by dousing your B.O. with cologne, you can’t make yourself more confident by drowning your low self-esteem in a sea of self-congratulation.

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