Miss Bonnified

Bonnie needs to tuck her wings in and write her bio.

:: This is Dennis’s very subtle way of telling me I need to get on it. 😀 ::

My mom, being the awesome woman she is, taught me a few things that I apply to my life on a daily basis. Chewing my food with my mouth closed is one of them. Introducing myself to people I’m meeting for the first time is another. In the words of the great Digital Underground, “Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Humpty, pronounced with an ‘umpty’ “.

Just kidding.

My name isn’t Humpty although that would be pretty interesting if it was. Actually, I take that back. That would suck major globules if my name was Humpty. Good God…

My name is Bonnie but that apparently came about as a very fortunate accident. You see, my dad is the one who chose my name for me. The name “Bonnie” means “beautiful”. I went through the greater majority of my life thinking my dad picked this name above all others because he fell in love with my wrinkly newborn self at first sight and thought me lovely beyond compare. Wanting confirmation of this, I asked him a few years ago if this was true. After my dad laughed at me (he’s uber sensitive like that), he dashed my dream by telling me “Oh no. Daddy wanted to name you Bunny”.

Uh…come again, please?

Apparently my dad thinks bunnies are super cuddly and cute so he wanted me to grow up with these same characteristics. I think he took one look at me when I was born, decided I looked like a dehydrated, wrinkled alien and figured that if he gave me the name of something as adorable as a baby rabbit then I would somehow also magically be cute and cuddly when I grew up.

I don’t think he had any idea that the name Bunny would be one that most adult entertainers favor.

He mistook my look of abject horror as incomprehension because he helpfully tried to clarify things by saying “You know. Like a bunny rabbit?”. My dad’s good at a lot of things but reading my facial expressions obviously isn’t his forte because he misinterpreted the “OMG, OH NO HE DI’INT” look on my face as one of confusion. Therefore, he decided to drive the point home by doing a bunny hop around the living room while saying “Like this. A bunny. You know. Hoppity hop”.

My dad, ladies and gentlemen, wanted me to go through the rest of my life named after a petting zoo animal and the now infamous icon of the Playboy legacy. That’s just fan-freaking-tastic.

Luckily for me, the nurse assigned to me that day either :

– misunderstood my dad when he said my name was to be Bunny
– understood my dad, decided to take pity on me and gave me a name that sounded close enough to Bunny so my dad wouldn’t be too suspicious

I thank the powers that be everyday for that nurse. No joke.

I’m coming on board to Musings On Life And Love because I’ve got some things I want share and even more that I want to learn. Years of slinging drinks behind the bar as a bartender and partying on the other side has given me a few insights but even more questions.

Dating in this strange age where electronics rule is bizarre but I view my glass as always being half full. Hell, you would too if you think your glass is actually a champagne flute and it’s filled halfway with the world’s best bubbly.

So don’t be scared and don’t be shy. Hop on in because the water’s just fine.

I’m Bonnie N. Clyde. Nice to meet you all.

:: Parts of this post was taken from my introduction piece on YouBentMyWookie where I go by MissBonnifed. That’s right. You heard me. A bent wookie. Aaaw, yeeaa. ::