If You Can’t Change The World, Change Yourself
Man, the world is full of angry people. And I’d say that, aside from the smattering of terrorists, bigots, outright lunatics, and one chartreuse superhero, about 95% of them inhabit the comments section of various websites.
I write about dating and relationships because I truly do want to help bridge the communication gap between men and women. Even though we are all humans, I believe that we think and behave very differently sometimes.
A guy may act a certain way because he’s thinking a certain way. But, a girl may look at the way the guy is acting and believe he’s thinking something entirely different. Same with the way girls think and act, and what guys think the girls are thinking.
I believe that if I share stories about how I’ve acted in my own dating life, then I can shed some light on how men think. And if that helps even one woman understand even one man better, then I’ve done my job.
What baffles me is when I share something personal about myself, and I get lectured for it. Here’s one instance. Here’s another. And here’s one by Musings’ resident douchebag. Check out how much flak he gets for describing his behavior.
Well, guess what? That’s how guys act. The stories I tell are real-life examples of guy behavior. It’s not always gonna be shiny armor and merit badges.
And here’s the thing: Unless you’re the one actually dating me (which all but one of you are not), or you think you may want to date me (which… oh, heeeey, baby. How you doin’?), you have absolutely zero incentive to tell me how I should lead my dating life. Any change in behavior on my part will have precisely zero effect on you.
In fact, the only reason you should have in lecturing me is to feed your own sense of self-righteousness. You may even believe it’s a, ahem, righteous cause.
But, let me tell you a little secret: That sense of self-righteousness can never be sated. If you live your life always trying to feed your self-righteousness, always seeking to correct the inappropriate behavior of others (as deemed by you), your soul will be eternally hungry.
Because there will always be shitty people in this world. You can’t change that. You can’t change how shitty people are, and no amount of posturing on your part will make a difference. People are going to act how they want to act.
In psychology, there’s a new brand of therapy called acceptance and commitment therapy. In ACT, instead of attempting to change behaviors that could likely be unchangeable, you learn to accept these behaviors. It’s all about learning to live with the challenges that Mother Nature, God, Darwin, Karma, Buddha, Loki, or whoever else you want to blame throws at you.
That’s how I believe we would all make better use of our time: Stop trying to change others when the change 1) will have no impact on us, and 2) is likely impossible.
Instead, learn to adapt to the world. When I tell you about the shit I do, stupid or otherwise, take it as a lesson in how guys act. And the next time you date someone who acts similarly, you’ll have an additional piece of information in your arsenal—an additional piece of information that you can now use to figure out just what the guy is thinking….
So, instead of getting all bent out of shape when the opposite sex doesn’t behave as you think they should, instead of demanding that every single member of the opposite sex conform to your definition of what “right” is, why not work on understanding the opposite sex better?
That’s why I write stuff like this in the first place.