Six (Billion) Simple Rules Guaranteed To Help You Find The “One”!
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A female friend of mine recently said something to the effect that “guys want you to reject them the first few times. If you move too fast, they’ll lose interest in you.”
Her comments—and the blanket statements that she loves to make about men—really got me to thinking. Are there any hard and fast rules about dating? Are there any universal laws and truths about men (or women, for that matter)? Can we break down male behavior into five, or fifty, or even five hundred simple rules that every woman can apply across the spectrum to help her find her perfect man?
And how many small island nations could I afford to buy if I discovered these rules?
As I see it, if the easy solution were out there, we would’ve found it by now. If there really were a concrete set of rules that women can apply to all men, then wouldn’t you think that everyone would soon learn about them, and therefore every woman in the world should have found her ideal man by this point?
To me, dating is like a poker game. Sure, we can learn the basic rules of poker, and the more we play, the more we understand the game. Nevertheless, every game is a unique one in itself, with a unique set of players and a unique set of circumstances involving both luck and skill. The better we understand the game, the better we’ll perform in the long run. But, we will be guaranteed to lose if we attempt to play poker by rote, just as we will be guaranteed to lose if we attempt to date by rote.
I will never profess to be the Maestro of Manhood, or the Guru of Guydom. I will never tell you that I have all the rules you need to know about men. And I would caution you to be suspicious of anyone who claims to have such rules. Every person is different, and every relationship a brand new one that’s never been experienced before. We cannot start setting blanket rules about the opposite sex because we simply cannot anticipate all the possible behaviors of every single man or every single woman in the world. We just have to enjoy each new relationship for the unpredictable ride that it is.
Evidently, my friend has been with guys whom she expressed an interest in early on, but then who lost interest in her. Her experience tells her to proceed with caution the next time she gets involved with someone. Fair enough. For my part, some of the most wonderful relationships I’ve been in progressed very quickly, while some of my worst relationships progressed at a gut-wrenching snail’s pace. My own experience tells me that if the sparks don’t fly on the first date, I should give up right off the bat.
So who’s right? The answer is, we both are. Our past experiences shape our current behaviors, so we definitely need to remember and learn from them. But, learning from our past experiences does not mean that we let them bind and confine us. To that end, my friend shouldn’t rule out the possibility that she might still meet someone and fall instantly in love someday. And I shouldn’t rule out the possibility that I might meet someone today and fall in love 10 years later.
Our greatest fallacy would be to assume that how it’s been in the past for us is how it’s always going to be for everyone. So, the next time I have a rough first date, I might be inclined to give her another shot… even if it’s with some hesitation. And the next time my friend hooks up with someone on the first date, he might actually be interested… although she should understandably be wary that he’s playing her.
Having said all that, I have a secret to tell you. As it turns out, I do *wink wink* have the full set of rules that govern every man and woman in the world. And since I’m still on a quest to purchase numerous island nations, I have a book to sell you. It breaks down all the known personality and dating types and assigns one simple rule guaranteed to work specifically for that type. The working title is… hmmm, let’s see… current world population… some quick math….
Okay, yes, it’s called, Six Billion Simple Rules Guaranteed to Help You Find the “One”!
I’m not sure when it’ll be ready, though. I keep having to update it every few seconds.
Sweet! 🙂 I’ll have to buy 365.4 copies to keep updated. I think both of you have valid points… To most girls it seems that once she gives in to a guy that he loses interest because the chase is no longer there – but more than likely he’s probably thinking, sweet, I don’t have to work hard anymore ‘I like her, she likes me, its settled’.
And then to credit your experiences, if a guy isn’t feeling any sparks the first encounter, its likely he won’t ever. There is usually more than just the physical that creates those sparks and since guys are pretty dang simple, they can realize those sparks are worth chasing….. to which I refer you to the above thoughts regarding the chase.
In a recent sermon, I heard the pastor explain men as Ford150s, a 5 yr old can get in, figure out the radio, lights and where to put the key in — whereas the women are a bit more complicated, need reassurance of the relationship, and want everything to be prepared ‘just in case’. Yes these are generics
hmmmmmm…have you ever read “The Game”. that would be an interested research read for your book.
I’ve heard about it, actually. Wasn’t there even a short TV series based on the whole pick-up artist thing? I haven’t actually read it (haha, now that I think about it, would I ADMIT to reading it had I actually read it?), but… yeah, maybe I should. I want to write more about the men and women who are out there making an honest effort to find someone, but this could be an interesting tangent…. Thanks for the pointer!
Actually I saw one or two episodes of the Pick up artist thing and was surprised that some of the info they taught was really just people skills, reading *obvious* signs (eye contact), and reading body language. Then it got stupid with seeing who could pick up a stripper and who could wear the ugliest hat. But like I said, some of it was really good stuff for people to learn one way or another.
Oh, by the way, everyone… the six billion number (in reference to the fact that the world population is around six billion) isn’t too esoteric of a joke, is it? Did everyone get that?
Sorry if that’s a stupid question to ask….
got it… and I meant to type 365.4… did I?
Dennis, you really didn’t give Christian Carter a chance. He actually has A LOT to say and he is not all about tooting his own horn. I can loan you my CD’s if you are interested (and I spent a good deal of $$$ on them, and actually did learn quite a bit) Anyway, he actually agrees with a lot of everyone’s points here, but he explains the whys of dating as a well as the hows.
Buy an island nation for me and I’ll tell you rule #117113. 😉
You would totally appreciate what Christian Carter says, Meg. Nothing to do with snagging a husband, manipulating anyone, or telling you what or how to feel, think or act. It is just about how to actually connect and find love versus trying to convince someone into something if you are not on the same page (which is what most people do). If more people listened to him, I think there would be fewer bad relationships or “He’s just not that into you” scenarios. Not everyone wants marriage from a relationship,many people I know have no desire to ever get married, but everyone wants too feel love and connectedness with another person, or why bother at all? I think Christian Carter has some amazing (yet common sense) insight that somehow doesn’t seem so common nowadays. Unfortunately not one single person that I have mentioned him to and has criticized his ideas has actually purchased the program and really paid attention to it. I guess it is human nature to think “Been there. Done that”
It’s not a book…they are CD’s from real life people with real life experiences, but you’re missing the point. I agree that you do or you don’t. I feel the same way, but you and I both know that sometimes it is not mutual. He talks about how to weed out the ones that will never work because they are not mature or ready or whatever, and what you can do to make sure the right ones don’t lose interest because we, as women especially, sometimes “accidentally” do stuff to ruin a relationship because things are not going the way we want them to. And that can be prevented, if you (people) are willing to take an honest look at yourself and see the situation as it really is, because no matter how much equality we have, or how evolved we become, there are still differences in how women and men think (mostly, not aways) and thank God for that or we would date ourselves.
The poker game analogy is perfect for describing dating. You don’t ever know what kind of hand you will get,and have to be prepared to do something with what you get. Like the great Kenny Rogers said You gotta know when to Hold ’em, fold ’em, walk away, or run. But like the great Lady Gaga say’s ” In love if it isn’t rough then it’s no fun.” ha ha Sorry, there’s a song for every situation in life. I suck at the poker face btw and I am always trying to show people my cards, not very effective for winning. Go figure that I am neither a love or card shark.
Hey Sara… sure, I’ll give ’em a listen. Next time I see ya…. Thanks!
Okay, I dumbed down the six billion jokes for the likes of Meg. Let me know what y’all think!
What is it about guys and poker *eyes glazing over* Have you been reading Don’s blog? 😉
And Meg again totally missed my point. It was a general commentary on why so many people (all, actually) get involved with the “wrong ones” at one time or another, but unfortunately what we know in our brain is not always what we want in our heart.That is true of ALL people, without exception if they don’t end up married to the first person they ever get involved with. BTW, I never said I regret anything or have one that got away, or for that matter worry about any of the aforementioned items… I am simply sharing some general wisdom that I gathered, and it is in no way any reflection of my specific personal life experiences…I thought that was the purpose of sharing our ideas on this posting?
*hangs head in shame*
Yes Deb, yes Deb, I’m sorry about the poker analogy. I did NOT want to use it, but you have to admit, it works in this case. I originally used chess, but there’s no luck involved in chess. So, I wanted to pick a game that involved both luck and skill, since whom we end up with is so much a matter of luck sometimes.
What the hell else was I to do here?!? 🙂
Just because you don’t marry someone doesn’t mean they are the wrong one. I’ve liked every single guy I have ever dated. That’s why I dated them.