My Not-Quite-So-World-Changing Dream
In my dream, she’s my best friend, and I am hers. Whenever I get a piece of great news in my life, she’s the first person I want to tell. Whenever something stressful happens, she’s the first person I think of who can comfort me. I hope to be the same for her.
In my dream, she’s the first person I want to spend time with. And I never feel inclined to blow her off to hang out with someone else—not even a dying friend or family member. (But that’s because I’d probably want her there with me.)
In my dream, I love her, and I know without a doubt that she’s the one I want to be with. In return, she loves me back, and she knows without a doubt that I’m the one she wants to be with. Yet, we accept that life is unpredictable. So, while we may never be able to say with absolute certainty that we will always get along, or even that we will love each other perfectly and unconditionally forever, what matters is that we love each other today, we’ll love each other tomorrow, and we’re going to try our hardest to love each other for the rest of our lives.
Because true love is an ideal that we can only strive towards, not an achievable endpoint that grants us complacency once we’ve reached it.
In my dream, I can tell her anything I want, knowing that she’ll accept me for who I am and won’t judge me if I reveal myself to be less than perfect. In return, I will be open to anything she tells me, and my love for her won’t diminish if she reveals her own imperfections. We never need to hide anything from each other, and we’re comfortable sharing everything about ourselves, even the worst baggage that we carry.
Because, hey, I admit that I haven’t quite reached that pinnacle of human perfection. Then again, neither has she.
In my dream, I know that she’s not me, and she knows that I’m not her (not that I’d want to be with the female version of me, anyway). As well as we may get along, we are different people, and that means that we have to be willing to communicate—and work at it. And if we suffer the occasional lapse or breakdown, well, then we just have to keep practicing.
Then soon, we will learn to understand each other fully.
In my dream, we grow together as a couple not by ignoring our missteps and pretending that they never happened, but by accepting that we all make mistakes, and that many (if not most) are forgivable. Instead of refusing to talk about the mistakes we’ve made for fear of causing more distress, or worse, dwelling on said mistakes until they destroy us, we accept that while we can’t change the past, we can still learn from it. And we have to learn from it.
Because we will make plenty of mistakes. Both of us. We just have to vow to move past them and not make the same ones over and over.
In my dream, I’m comfortable telling her how frightening the thought of losing her is. At the same time, I don’t expect—nor do I need—her to parrot the exact same thing back to me. We can always be comfortable revealing our vulnerabilities to each other, because our relationship isn’t a power struggle, with both parties constantly worrying about who loves whom more, who says “I love you” more, or who currently has the “upper hand” in the relationship.
As it turns out, it’s a tie.
In my dream, we both accept that we’re going to have “issues” in our relationship, that it won’t always be perfect. We also acknowledge the possibility that we may encounter colossal problems that drive us to doubt that we’re right for each other. But, we also realize that we will ultimately work these problems out… if we want to.
Because what matters isn’t how big the issues are, but whether or not we’re willing to expend the effort to resolve them.
In my dream, we live happily ever after. But, we also know that we have to work pretty damned hard to achieve “happily ever after.”
There is one problem, though. I sometimes wonder if my dream is really a fantasy….
Latest posts by Dennis Hong (see all)
- Microaggressions And Subtle Racism Turned Me Into A Troll - May 5, 2015
- Can We Be Rational About SeaWorld? - December 19, 2014
- Sometimes We Need To Be Told That We Suck - October 28, 2014
- Meeting Someone For The Second Time Is The Most Awkward - September 2, 2014
- If You Don’t Know Me, Don’t Call Attention To My Race - August 4, 2014