Talk To Us: When a guy asks out your friend after you've already turned him down

Okay, I have a question for the women:

After a guy asks you out and you turn him down, what is your “statute of limitations” for how long he has to wait before he asks out one of your friends? Now, I’m not talking about your ex-boyfriend hitting on your best friend. I’m talking about a guy who expresses interest in you, you do not return the interest, then he decides to express an interest in your friend. How long does the waiting period have to be for you NOT to consider him a sleazebag?

The extreme case here would be the guy at the bar who approaches a group of girls, propositions the first one he makes contact with, gets shot down, turns to her friend, propositions her, gets shot down again, and basically just moves on down the line. That’s a pretty dumb move. And that I can figure out on my own. But, there has to be some point where you wouldn’t consider it so despicable anymore, right? So… where would you draw the line? A day? A week? A year?

Now, before y’all start wondering which one of your friends I’m interested in, let me explain that this is for an article idea that I’m mulling at the moment (although, I’m sure your answer will be a good point of reference in the future should the opportunity ever arise). Yes, I admit I maaaay have done this in the past. But no, I am not planning to hit on your friend… yet. 😉

In the same veins, are there any other things that guys do that you consider uber-sleazy? Come on, I know you’ve got stories for me….


Addendum: The product of this discussion can be found here.



  • That they were into each other. My ego was dented but I could see they were a good fit. So, I told them I thought so. They’ve been dating and having a great time. Does it suck for me? Not really, I helped two people find joy in each other, two people I care about. So, my take is don’t be a cock block. Let go of your ego and recognize the greater good.

  • Ok, so I tried reading one of your articles and you are a talented writer…but then I read your point of view on the male/female/dating/relationship perspective and realized that you writing about male/female relationships is like me writing about wealth management, we can make good arguement but in reality we don’t know jack.

    Ask many people this questions and you will get three answers depending on the three character types:

    Women: Will tell you it sleazy, stupid, not right or tell you detailed scenarios of which it is appropriate. The Golden Rule “He who owns the Gold Make the Rules” women have the gold they make the rules in this case.

    Most Guys: It takes most guys so much to work up the courage to ask a girl out, after being turned down it is usually so davasting the if we ask her friend out then it is usually out of revenge and usually involves the easier target (think fat, ugly, insecure or just broke up friend)

  • Then there are the Glebs of the world: Those of you not familliar with “GLEB” he goes by the salesmen or shotgun theory. NO is but an opinion, just move on quickly to the next one friend. Despite every rationale theory of why this should not work…..his success rate was phenomenal.

    Again, I go back to the Golden Rule. There is no one answer as those who have the gold make the rules!

  • Amy Lauren Gettys

    I just have to comment on Jasmine’s comment. SAY WHAT? Girl, you throw the rules out the window on me and I’m gonna be ticked. No dating my men – especially since you are married ; ) I know, I know,this is going to be a real imposition on YOUR dating ability. Hehehe.

    OK, seriously, Jasmine is sorta right. We girls use the “rules” as much to test our friends as the guy. Your best girlfriend will under no circumstances date a guy you have loved without getting your express permission first. If she’s your best girlfriend, however, you’ll give her permission to date the guy if you see a mutual interest and think they are right for eachother. This also provides an easy out for the casual girlfriend who goes after your man. If she does it, she doesn’t want to be friends with you in the first place Yes, girls use other girls to get what they want – ie: invited to a specific event, introduced to someone you are friends with, etc.

  • Amy Lauren Gettys

    As for asking out the friend of the first girl who turned you down, you have every right to ask out her friends. Just because she’s not interested doesn’t mean that you should go celibate for life. And let’s face it, if you were attracted to the first girl because of her personality, the odds are that you will also find some of her best friends attractive for similar reasons. That said, try to look like you care a little, and and don’t ask her friend(s) out the same night…. or maybe even within a few weeks…..

    The above answer assumes that you actually want to have a relationship with the girl. If you are just looking for a fling, different rules apply…. but generally speaking, if you just move on down the bar girl by girl, you will get labeled a sleaze.

  • Amy Lauren Gettys

    I have to dead on stories for you on this topic that I will email to you, but yes, for those you must change the names. If you don’t hear from me in the next day or two, send me an email to remind me.

  • Gee, thanks for the reminder, Abel. :-p You know, I never said that I knew Jack. (Although, I am getting pretty familiar with Jim and Johnny.) Then again, who wants to get lectured by a self-professed guru telling you everything you’re doing wrong in your life? Isn’t it more fun to read about someone who DOESN’T know jack? I figured they’d make for funnier stories, anyway….

  • So Dennis, I have a new angle to this question to add to your forum. Would you stay friends with a guy/girl who kissed you and then a day or two later asked out your friend who you introduced him/her to the same night he/she was flirting with and kissing you?

  • Okay, seriously, Meg. I think you need to find a better way to meet guys. Cuz whatever way you’re using right now ain’t working.

  • Apparently 10 years was not enough time to assess him properly! I’ve known him since college, but we just recently started hanging out again. I am starting to wonder what is wrong with me. Besides my obnoxious inability to not argue when I’m wrong.

  • Sorry. Does somebody realize how to define a real Expert Avisor from fake and a real signal from fraudulent? sorry for inconvinience

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