There’s No Crying The Second Time Around

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Do you know the worst part about getting back together with an ex?

You might not get any sympathy from your friends when she breaks your heart a second time.

I love the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I love how it portrays a breakup from the perspective of the guy. As some of my friends will affirm between snickers and rolled eyes, I’ve been that guy. I’ve been the guy who’s too much of a wreck to get on with his life. I’ve been the guy curled up on the floor, bawling at the top of his lungs. I’ve been the guy who pines for his ex while dating someone else (sadly, I think some girls will affirm this last one about me, too).

I’ve always despised this side of myself, but I’ve also noticed that it’s becoming more and more acceptable for guys to be emotional now. It’s finally getting to be okay for guys to cry when they go through a breakup. That’s right, bring on the waterworks.

I’m also grateful for the support that I’ve found over the years. Some of the closest friendships I have today came about because, when I was at my lowest, I needed to reach out to someone, and I found someone willing to reach back. After all, it’s hard to be a guy and admit that you want to cry. It’s even harder to be a guy and find a buddy who will let you cry, sit there with you while you whimper, and not make fun of you… excessively. (As guys, we know that some amount of making fun of is mandatory.)

If not for the bouts of broken-heartedness that I’ve weathered over the years, I’m not sure I would know who these friends are. Yes, I’m definitely glad to have buddies who can make me feel better while they call me a pansy-ass wuss.

At the same time, friendships often come with caveats. And in my latest round of heart-mending, I’m starting to worry about caveats. I’m no longer embarrassed to admit that I’ve cried over a girl. I am, however, embarrassed to admit that… well, this is the second time I’ve had to get over someone a second time.

Pathetically, that’s not a redundancy typo. You see, this is the second time now that I’ve had my heart broken, reconciled, had my heart broken again, and had to get over her again. Think I would’ve learned my lesson by now? Well, I must’ve flunked How to Get Over Someone 101 because I find myself having to repeat the entire course.

My friends have already seen me cry over her. They’ve helped me through my depression. They’ve been patient with me. They’ve been understanding and compassionate. And they were glad to see me recover. Well, I’m afraid they may not want to do this for me again. Not for the same girl, anyway. And certainly not for the fact that this is the second girl I’ve had to get over twice. I may be on my own this time. That is, unless I happen to enjoy hearing “what were you thinking?” and “I told you so!” Or the always comforting “do you ever learn?!?”

So, the next time you consider getting back together with an ex, perhaps you will remember the lesson that I’m expecting my “tough love” friends to cram down my throat any day now:

There’s no crying the second time around.

Oh, and what the hell were you thinking?

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By day, I engineer happiness at WordPress.com. By night, I am a relationships and comedy writer, which can be redundant or an oxymoron, depending on your perspective. I am the creator of Musings, the blog you're reading right now, and LemonVibe, an anonymous relationship advice site. You can also find me on Twitter (I am not the creator of Twitter).

13 comments

  • Some of you may know this, but I’ve been wanting to do some freelance writing on the topic of love and relationships for a while now. I figured I might as well start sharing all the wonderful (ha) dating stories I’ve amassed over the years. As such, any comments and suggestions you can offer would be welcome! I’m still at the stage where I’m building up a “portfolio” before I actually submit anything….

  • She aint worth it Dennis. You’re a good man. Talented, youthful looking (I bet you still get carded you bastard), athletic, smart, etc., etc. I feel your pain Dennis. But take comfort in this: there are tons of other fillies just waiting to be had. Go out and get some. Do it ASAP. And if you really, absolutely, must have the semblance of a meaningful relationship sometime soon, then go tap eharmony or match.com or one of those gay ass romance sites. Otherwise, I suggest find your inner bad boy and work the cougar set. For what it’s worth, I have the utmost confidence in you Dennis.

  • Dennis… here is my two cents. Since this is the second time around I figure it should not be twice as hard to get over. Right? As for the cougar set I fully agree with IQ. Oh, one last thing; I am paraphrasing Say Anything you have to find a girl that looks exactly like her and nail her… Good man Dennis!!!

  • Hey, thanks, guys. That means a lot to me. I’m actually not as messed up as I may sound in the article. It’s more just me feeling like an idiot for repeating the same mistakes, so I’m trying to find a lesson in all this….

  • Dennis, go get a drink from that bar of yours 🙂 Or we can go out for a nice night on the town and meet some pretty ladies for you!

  • Lisa Ann Wilson

    dennis – hang in there – perhaps we could collaborate on a book someday? 😉

  • Deborah Finucane

    I’m sorry to hear that Dennis 🙁

  • Denice Blue Buckley

    I’ve given people second chances only to have my heart broken(again). And, in some cases, a third time. And age didn’t make it better or easier. Loves a tough one. It doesn’t matter if you are smart, or attractive or witty…the heart still breaks. I say, feel it. Of course you are awesome but does hearing it make you feel better? If it did I would say it over and over!

  • Denice Blue Buckley

    Oh..and you should never feel bad about loving and giving second chances…that’s what so many people love about you!

  • Dennis:):) Yes, that “OMG, I’m just a schmuck” feeling the 2nd time around is almost worse than the 2nd heartbreak itself…and it’s not that I’m a prideful person per se, but geeeshhh..it feels stupid, times FIFTY!! I’ve been in this very place you describe, embarrassingly so even…so should you ever be here again, I’ll certainly offer you my sympathy….I’ll go through #2 for friends bc I believe in second chances (no matter how stupid they may turn out to be)….I’ll give you all the way to #3 before instilling the tough love/wtf were u thinking sermon!

  • …ohhhh..and I simply have to say, I’m *still* giggling at Jason’s reference to “Say Anything”:-)~~

  • Pingback: The Ex-Girlfriend Speaks Up « Musings on Life and Love

  • If it was a healthy, decent relationship that just had some problems, as far as I’m concerned it’s always worth it to try again. And it happens, sometimes you do need some tough love, but at the same time, your friends should be there for you regardless.

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